When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Beers.

This is a story about a professor who stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full…. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He asked once more if the jar was full. Read more…

“Be The Change You Want To See In The World” Mahatma Gandhi (A quick journey in NLP Modelling)

I don’t know a single person in the world with whom these words have not rung true.

I believe that the theme, the essence of these words – Be The Change – are more important and relevant right now than ever before.  In these times of incredible change in technology and human consciousness; in the way we do business; in the way we are called to show up in the World, we all have the capacity to be the change we want to see in this amazing World.

Its been some time since I’ve communicated with many of you, and there is good reason.  I personally have been through massive change in the last 6 months, having come back from a long hot winter in India.

Locals kids hitching a ride in Kerala

As most of you know I’ve taken the last couple of years off travelling, living in Ibiza and India, running workshops and developing my new venture – giving people the skills, experiences and models to literally Be, Do & Have Anything.

Really, the outcome of my ‘work’ is in marrying two apparently disparate concepts – Financial and Emotional Freedom. Success and Fulfillment.  Money and Happiness.

They seem to be very illusive for many people.  Often people make good money, but are not really happy.  And often they are happy and fulfilled, but do not have material wealth.

The question I have been asking for the last decade is, how can we have both?  How can we marry financial freedom – the ability to do what we want, where we want, when we want – WHILE also being truly and sustainably happy? Read more…

What an incredibly unique and beautiful way to start the day. It’s shortly before 5am, pitch black and I am sitting cross legged overlooking the invisibly black sea below doing yoga, pranayama and meditating.  I don’t think I have ever started a day in such a uniquely relaxing, beautiful and connecting way.  And this is only on day 1 of being in the Ashram.

Already I am looking forwards to starting my day like this tomorrow.  We wake up at 4:30 and by 5am we’re doing yoga and drifting in and out of consciousness as we relax while meditating.  Then a cup of chai around 8:30am, and as I start to connect with the ‘reality’ of the day I begin thinking – most people are getting into work  – and here we are beginning our day in a state of meditation and connection.  And that reminds me of what Rata Krishnan said today, ‘work is like a healthy meditation’… how different that perception of work is here from the UK… they love what they do here!

Watching the sun rise slowly far in the distance, hanging over the backwaters and coconut palms, with the sea crashing against the deserted sandy beach I realise that it’s not just the yoga that induces relaxation and joy, it’s also this most beautiful and rich environment conducive to connecting with nature and all that is around.

View of the Arabian Sea from the Ashram

I’ve been doing yoga on the beach for the last few weeks.  I am amazed at the flexibility I have developed in that short period of time.  I can easily touch my toes and in fact hold my feet while stretching my hamstrings.  It’s wonderful to be in the Ashram.  Some of you may be conjuring up images of a beautiful and spiritual home lined with plants and tranquil water features… but the Ashram does not portray that kind of beauty.

It is one of the most basic and indeed cluttered environments I have lived in… everything is put to use here or stored haphazardly here and there, waiting for another day.  My mattress is just thick enough to allow for sleep and there is no sink, just an open shower and toilette.   It’s dirty.  But it’s home and it holds no secrets.  It’s open, honest and real.  Perhaps that’s all we want to be.  Swamiji is a great believer on cleaning the inside rather than the outside.  Hence yoga, meditation and proper food are good for cleaning the spirit and soul. Read more…

Why would anyone want to learn NLP?

I’ve just ambled lazily back across the pristine white sand of a deserted beach in Cherai having been swimming alone in the Arabian sea – a beautiful luke warm bath with surfable waves apparently induced by the solar eclipse.  Being back in India is like coming home!

The Kerala Backwaters... kissing the Arabian Sea

Having grown up until the age of 7 with with my parents who were hippies, and having lived in more houses that I have lived years its pretty much indisputable that I’m a born nomad.  And I normally feel very much at home wherever I am.  I have been living in Ibiza since last summer which I consider to be my spiritual home, despite the reputation it has among many in Britain!  But India feels as much a home if not more than anywhere else, and coming back here this year for a couple of months reminds me of how utterly special and unique this country is and how I want to keep coming back here each year – to this most rich, vibrant, beautifully alive and special place.

Today, the day of the solar eclipse, is a special day.  Not just because of the eclipse but because I have committed to recognising and changing a pattern of mine which I know will have a profound impact on my life, and perhaps more importantly the lives of others around me.

As you learn NLP you’ll discover what’s known as meta-programmes, or filters.  These are how we filter information coming through our senses and make sense of the world.  Well, today I have added a new one today, an important distinction for me, and that is the notion of ‘input’ versus ‘output’.  I love learning, in fact I am addicted to learning.  A much better addiction than some things, but nonetheless an addiction.  I love input, I love learning, I love to learn NLP; I love finding out what others do, say and think and modelling their success.  But today I believe its time that I reverse this pattern and now ‘output’ more than I ‘input’.

So my new blog and websites are being built and I am in the process of designing products and workshops to give others this rich, peripatetic, vibrant and fun life that I am so privileged to have, or whatever it is that they truly want!

Riding along the dusty roads today on my Enflield Bullet, the thud thud thud of the 350cc single cylinder engine attracting attention as if it were a pink tractor I realised just how lucky I am to have designed my life this way and I know have the desire to give others the gifts and leanings I have had along my journey.

One of many rides I gave to locals kids on my Enfleld Bullet

Its paradoxical in some respects that I am entirely responsible for creating my life in this way and yet at the same time there are unseen forces in the Universe that have helped conspire towards me following this path, to open up to and awaken to all the magical coincidences and synchronicities around me…. around us all!

And so riding along on my Enflied thinking about all this today, I became very grateful and excited. I also became aware of how I can tend to overcomplicated life.  Life can be very simple.  I know that from watching how simply people live out here.

The other day I asked Sajeen, an amazing and young yoga teacher in Cherai, “is life good”? to which he smiled and replied “of course” as if it could not be any other way and my question was absurd.  Now, that is simplicity, finding love and joy in everything because you choose to!

It’s funny that somehow in the so-called civilised West many of us have come to believe, or been conditioned through advertising and cultural norms – that if I get x I will feel y.  Whereas in fact we can feel any way we want whenever we want.  And then enjoy the journey as well as the destination!  Perhaps that is the secret, but of course knowing something and doing it are two very different things.

I heard Gary Vaynerchuck say earlier today “love what you do and if you don’t then STOP.  There is absolutely no need to be not enjoying yourself in this day and age.”

And I concur.  There is more technology, money, opportunity, information and wealth than at any other time in the history of humankind.  If you are pursuing making money or a 9-5 and you’re not enjoying it, then you are doing yourself and humanity a disservice and going after success rather than fulfilment.  And that to me is failure.

There are so many people with apparently so little who manage to be happy…. who manage to just be, and be happy, and I believe we can all learn the distinctions which enable them to live in that place.  For me one of those distinctions is a commitment to daily practice every morning, which at the moment is yoga.  As I sit on the beach now writing this blog, I am looking one way and then the other as far as I can see and there is not a soul… not a single solitary soul.  I could be lonely but I am not.  Because deep inside I am connecting to a place of love, joy and inspiration and that is open to all of us at any moment in time. And I’m outputting

And it is in that connecting, that desire to connect into the bigger system, to output rather than input, that I believe is one of our greatest sources of sustainable joy.  That is where we find happiness.  The question then is, what do we need to focus on, to believe in and do in order to be in that place of joy?  What do you need to focus on now?  Do you want to learn NLP to really accelerate your success?  Just remember, that success without fulfilment is failure.

Looking above me watching the eagles circling in the dense heat of the Indian sky, with nature all around blending seamlessly into an enticing array of colours, cows, cats, cockerels, ducks and dogs, I feel humbled as I reminisce on the rich and varied day I have had.  I am humbled by the smiles of nearly every person I passed earlier today on my motorbike; by the simplicity and pace of life; by the acceptance that all is as its meant to be.  As I recall – the three smiling middle aged ladies in vibrant buttercup-yellow dresses, the pink and orange houses that I passed and the cows grazing peacefully by the side of the road – I am reminded that happiness is all we want.  Happiness is all we truly want.  And that is success.  And that is why I decided to learn NLP…. to discover how I could be both happy and successful.

Go follow your bliss!
With love
Tristan

If you want to learn NLP feel free to enquire about my distance learning programme, or continue browsing the site.

Grinning from ear to ear and very excited to be back, I have just arrived in the UK to grey skies and a damp Monday morning having been away for about 5 months. Time to reflect on what an amazing journey I have been on in that time, and perhaps what kind of journey you have been on too….

It has been about 8 weeks since I finished my Vipassana meditation where I spent over 10 hours meditating in silence each day and the other 14 hours not speaking, reading, writing or even allowed to look into other people’s eyes….

Meditating 10 hours a day!

You might be wondering then, what on earth I actually got up to and how that journey has affected me now that I am back in the UK. Read on to find out….

Day seven and I am all set to go – I’m fully committed – only three days left to go out of ten days in total silence, showing me Buddha’s path to enlightenment and liberation. Little did I know that when I decided to go on this experience, but I am here now and committed to finishing my stint!

And to be fair with six days behind me and only 4 days to go, it’s a walk in the park now, the final furlong! This is going to be great, having had a pretty tough time of it for six days, I’ve have had my breakthrough and I am committed to writing my book. It’s all good… I have even found that by sitting on my knees with my feet tucked behind me while meditating, I can sit still for over an hour without too much discomfort and without my back going into spasm. I’m not yet sure that I can do this for 10 hours a day, but it beats sitting in a half-baked backbreaking lotus position which I simply couldn’t handle with two crushed vertebrae in my spine.

So feeling rather confident and puffed up like a plump robin, I find myself sitting for 45 minutes after lunch when the teacher calls me up to the front of the dhamma hall as he does with most people to check they are doing things correctly. I get up and start walking towards him and notice that something’s not quite right. But before I know it my head hits the ground and I crumple into a pile on the floor. I don’t really know what happened so my natural instinct is to pull myself back up and start walking again. I collapse again. Only this time I don’t get up. The commands simply aren’t getting through to my lower body, I have two dead legs. Waking most people out of their deep trance, I realize I have caused an imbalance in the otherwise equinamous vibe of the afternoon’s meditation session so I slowly drag myself to the front of the room with my legs trailing like a leper’s behind me.

I sat there feeling slightly embarrassed, in pain and hopeless as the teacher completely dismissed the incident and instead checked to see if I was meditating correctly. He didn’t acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary had occurred and so I figured whatever did just happen couldn’t be that serious or injurious to my health. Now that is equinomous… model that!! After a few words from the teacher and reciprocating nods of the head from me, I quietly limped back to my matt and sat back in the same position with my feet tucked behind me. Within moments I realized that there was something adrift; all was not well. I slowly got to my feet and hobbled to the back of the room and then left the hall to journey once again to my home, this time hopping on one foot.

Oh dear, it would appear I did some serious damage to my foot. The rest of the day I am confined to my bed trying to make sense of what happened and more to the point trying to assess the severity or damage. Have I broken my foot or is it just badly sprained? Lying there feeling sorry myself, I eventually let go of what was happening to me and simply became aware of my feelings, aware of my foot, aware my unconscious mind, my untamed mind taking me on this journey.

Then as the afternoon passed I started to become frustrated and wonder what I was missing out on; the experience, the journey, the enlightenment that the others were having that I was missing out on.

After a few of hours of completely unequanimous behaviour I decide I can just hop my way to the finish line and I made my way to the meditation hall. I began to meditate again. The last two or three days were as usual challenging but also rewarding as I slowly began to accept and understand the teachings of Buddha and the universal laws of nature that were in those teachings.

To be honest, there’s nothing that profound or especially enlightening, or even that challenging in the teachings. They are to me and I believe most people common sense. It is not some religion, doctrine or dogma but an understanding of the universal laws of nature.

The meditation technique works on a practical basis by scanning the body for sensations and then ensuring our conscious minds do not react with craving or aversion to those sensations. How that works on an unconscious level I pretty much understand – reprogramming the mind to not react to physical sensations or anchors which otherwise would trigger certain behaviors, but I have not experienced a fundamental transformation by meditating in that way for just 10 days. Having said that I am much more mindful and centred these days, but that may well have as much to do with the amazing and enlightening journey I have been on these last five months as the 10 day Vipassana meditation.

In NLP terms the process is to me like collapsing anchors at an unconscious level. I’m just not sure that I want to turn into a monk and spend my life meditating two hours a day or more in order to collapse craving or aversion anchors. And I do not like the idea that apparently once you commit to the path of Vipassana meditation you cannot and should not look into other disciplines. Apparently this is so you can truly master the technique. I have no doubt that it works for many people. It is similar in my quest in becoming a real master in NLP, to commit to one discipline and become a master in that rather than a jack of all trades. But paradoxically NLP encourages us, even requires that we explore, model and learn from other disciplines and people. It is the pursuit of excellence, or a commitment to a process of modeling excellence that is so much more flexible and I believe powerful than Vipassana. With Vipassana meditation I can’t get immediate changes in others. With NLP I can.

Either way it was a very challenging, enlightening and profound experience and I would recommend others to go on that journey if only to explore the edges of your boundaries and comfort zone and experience an extended period of reprogramming your mind to just BE. I think the journey enlightens us to another way of being. One where we can remain equanimous or perfectly balanced no mater what is going on around us. Now tell me someone who wouldn’t want that with all that is going on in the world right now?! As usual, knowing something and living it are two very different things; I think the idea behind Vipassana is to live and experience that equanimity or balance on a consistent basis so that it becomes a deeply ingrained way of being.

So as I sit here watching the drizzle fall from the grey London skies outside, I am reminded of what a wonderfully enriching journey I have been on these last few months and how no matter what does or doesn’t work with Vipassana meditation techniques the principles and underlying psychology behind the technique is useful for all of us to keep in mind. With so much going on in today’s busy world and with so many challenges around us, it is perhaps more important than ever to remain in our flow, not craving or averse to any experience or emotion but in stead to be really present, alive and open to the Universe and all the wonders it has to offer.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” Anais Nin

And on that note, I will leave you to enjoy the sunshine that has just emerged through the grey and apparently impenetrable clouds, as it always does!

Until next time…

Having completed day one of the Vipassana meditation in total silence, I knew I could make it through the next couple of days but was not sure I really wanted to. Day two was a challenge mentally in much the same way as the first – constantly bringing my roaming and untamed mind back to focusing solely on my breath. I had to change my sitting position often as my back muscles continued to seize up. I moved from sitting on my backside in the lotus position (well my version of it!) to sitting on my backside like I was around a campfire with my knees tucked up in front of me at chest height – this gave me something to grab onto with my arms to help hold me upright, but eventually it pulled my back muscles uncomfortably. Occasionally I sat upright with my weight over my knees and lower legs; my feet tucked behind me. This position gave my back the best structural support but ensured the blood stopped flowing to my feet within a short period of time.

Waking to Pavlov’s bell at 4am – promising the food of enlightenment but receiving the scraps of meditation from 4:30am – we sat for two grueling hours until breakfast at 6:30am. Its funny, I never associated meditation with the word grueling before but trust me, it was! What we must have looked like – 50 odd looking people, all sitting still facing the same direction without smiling or moving for 2 hours! Breakfast for me was normally taken outside the dining hall after the morning meditation. I sipped my sweet tea, or chai, from a small metal cup every morning as the first traces of daylight spread their rainbow rays across the sky and the mist lifted slowly over the picturesque paddy fields and coconut palms unfolding into the distance.

Following breakfast and a rest which was normally spent asleep, we began another hour’s ‘endurance’ meditation which from day four onwards was to include no movement at all – no opening eyes and no hand or body movements. After this hour we had a 10 minute break and then resumed for another 2 hours, just focusing on the breath until 11am when we had lunch. Following lunch and another sleep we convened in the meditation or dhamma hall at 1pm for another 4 hours meditation interspersed with two 10 minute breaks. It sounds like such inspiring fun even just writing these words! At 5pm we had some chai which was the highlight of my day, and perhaps a little fruit. We were meant to be aware of our cravings and aversions but not to react to them. I was very aware of craving a lovely sugary cup of chai at the end of each day! The evening consisted of an hour’s meditation, a video explaining what was going on and how we were treading the path of Buddha’s enlightenment, and then another half hour meditation before bed at 9:30pm.

As the evening of the second night drew to a close there was a beautiful plump full moon shining brightly over the palm’s stretching into the distance. I remember thinking while gazing out into the moon-light night with fireflies gliding gracefully and crickets chirping cheerily, if I can do 2 days then I can do 10! But apart from the delights of sweet chai, my sleep and the view I was not enjoying the experience. I was suffering physically, and I was overwhelmed with the idea that this path was apparently the only path to enlightenment! I thought I had come on a Vipassana meditation to be in silence for 10 days, to have as profound experience and to feel much more present after a few days. I had no idea I was going to have to sit for 10 hours or more every day meditating with breaks only every hour or two, or that I would begin to experience and learn about Buddha’s path to liberation and enlightenment!

I had been recommended the course by a good friend, Arun, who had told me it was a profound experience in which after about five days you become much more present. It turns out his experience was in Japan and much more user friendly – only 5-7 hours meditation a day and some of it was optional – all of ours was compulsory!

Still, as the minutes and hours passed and my mind raced from one thought to another I began to slow down and enjoy the small delights of the experience, of just being. The view from the meditation hall was beautiful beyond words in its simplicity and stillness. The open area beyond the meditation hall was adorned with beautiful coconut palms balanced perfectly on little raised mounds of earth stretching to the paddy field beyond was like something out of a film. Every day, two or three cows accompanied by beautiful white stalks grazed aimlessly while the odd worker carried crops in the fields beyond. That serene view from sunrise to sunset comforted us like a warm cuddle from a loved one. It gave us some outer beauty to enjoy while we battled with our inner beauty.

As day three progressed, things with my back became more and more painful and challenging. Every day we had the opportunity to speak to the teacher about the technique, which I took as an opportunity to ask about my back. Every time he encouraged me to transcend my pain, to be aware of it but not to react. I must remain equanimous – no craving, no aversion. The problem was, that after three days of sitting like I had never sat before my back was getting worse and worse and I was worried that I would not be what walking out of the meditation centre at all.

After lunch on day four, I went to the teacher and explain my predicament again. As usual, he used his most excellent strategy of not listening to me and instead interrupting and telling me what to do. But this time I interrupted him and told him, no, you don’t understand this is not about me transcending my pain, this is about my back falling apart! I somehow talked him into allowing me to have a chair which I then sat in for the next day and a half.

While the physical challenge was overcome on day four and five, the mental challenge of understanding, accepting and integrating the teachings made the whole experience increasingly difficult. By this stage we had lost a couple of people but the vast majority were sticking at it, and I would later find out, struggling like me.

On day six I had a real breakthrough. Having conversed with myself from morning until night over the last six days, at lot of things had become clear. I resolved to write a book and having passed the midway point, I committed to staying the course. I felt stronger; I was starting to understand the principles of Vipassana and I was able to recognize and accept the similarities of these teachings to those of NLP, which I have been studying for the last five years or so. In fact the teachings of Buddha are pretty simple.

The only reason we ever do anything is for a feeling. That being the case, Buddha believed we should let go of our attachments to our cravings and aversions– it is these that cause us misery and suffering. We should remain equanimous, calm and balanced because all things are impermanent. This is the law of nature. And this being the case everything arises and passes – feelings arise and pass – as do cravings and aversions.

And so having focused just on our breath for the first three days, throughout the next three we were tasked with scanning our bodies from head-to-toe and toe-to-head for sensations and simply be aware of them. In just being aware and not reacting to the apparent pleasurable or uncomfortable sensations that are going on all over the body all the time, we were reprogramming our minds at an unconscious level not react to cravings and aversions. I was becoming liberated, and the path to enlightenment was unfolding in front of me…

To be continued…

I arrive alone at the Vipassana meditation centre in the middle of nowhere, about 8km from Chengannur in Southern India. I notice an austere silence pervades the entire compound; a somber mood seems to have descended like a dark cloud suffocating a soulless landscape. And yet I realize very quickly that the 10 days in silence I am about to embark on hasn’t even started! Is this a bad sign, do I start making meaning or listening to my intuition?

I have a chat with a couple of apparently normal people – a young Israeli called Jonathan who has recently come out of the army, and his sister Rena – both full of energy and smiles; and Flo, a young German with dreads who I later discover loves his house music. Then I meet Victor the relaxed yoga Instructor from Miami. He’s as calm as a cool evening breeze, wearing a flag-like tattoo on his forearm in blue, orange and green which symbolizes Conscious… Everyday… Living; and I chat to a very tall Indian called Mohit who runs a psychedelic trance events company in London and seems to live and love life to the full. It emerges that there are about 50 people in total from all over the world who have converged to experience the delights of spending 10 days in silent meditation. They come from France, New Zealand, Scotland, Peru and Australia to name a few, and about half of all delegates are Indians, many of whom do not speak English… not that we’re going to be speaking for the next 10 days anyway!

I trundle my way to my living quarters which are based in an oblong bulding made from standard-grey breeze blocks. A corrugated iron roof raised about 3 feet above the building protects us from what, I am not sure; it is placed on thin steel girders allowing insects, the occasional breeze and the thin rays of evening sunlight to visit their indulgent delights upon us. The breeze blocks have set within them the odd grimy frosted glass window. The building is perched upon a red brick floor, no carpet to be seen anywhere. Down the far end of the building are 4 very basic dirty toilettes with shower heads coming out of the walls. In the middle are 3 mismatching sinks, two small shaving mirrors on the wall and a small bin beneath.

Back in the main room there are 7 beds on either side of the dormitory, each adorned with a mattress which at its thickest is at least 1.5 centimeters of pure luxurious cotton wool. When I lie on the ‘mattress’ it compresses to at best, I would guess about 3mm of comfy padding! This luxury is placed directly on a hard wooden frame bed about 5’11 in length and covered by a rancid smelling old mosquito net. This is my home for the next 10 days. I make my way to the toilette and find a large spider, about the size of my palm in diameter, watching me intently before scurrying behind the loo. It’s not tarantula but a much faster and leaner cousin. Still considerably larger than any spider you would see in the UK.

That night I dream of two Indian wild dogs – one on each of my hands, dragging me down the road with their teeth digging in to my flesh. And then suddenly I am held by a baboon, likewise biting me, but this time on my forearm. Neither the dogs nor the baboon drew blood but they had a firm grip which I could not break free from. I thought that there must be some significance about the dream but was not quite sure what it was when I woke. I thought after a while that perhaps the dogs each pulling on one hand in different directions might signify the struggle I was to face – being pulled in different directions.

I woke at 4am the next day to what would become a very familiar bell – our first mediation session of the ‘day’. Only unlike Pavlov’s dogs, the bell had the opposite reaction for most of us – no excitement, no drooling! Wearily I go to the meditation hall for the first time where there are about 50 people preparing to meditate in near darkness on small blue mats – girls on the right and boys together on the left of the dark dingy room. Throughout the 10 days, boys and girl were kept separate wherever possible – while eating, living and meditating.

During the first day of my 10 days in silence I was subjected to over 10 hours of meditation – sitting still, silent, just observing my breath. I sat there watching my mind wonder from thought to thought desperately trying to make sense of things, trying to latch onto something and then something else; always in need of something to think about like a drug addict searching for its next fix. Its actually quite disturbing realizing how untamed and out of control our brains really are. Fortunately I discover after the course that I was not alone in having a wild and untamed mind when left to focus soley on the breath. When we just sit and observe the very essence of life, our breath, our brains are not content with just being but instead go on a relentless search for more, and more… and more! Rather like life, I believe that two things chasrataterise humans – we are all driven by a need to be loved… and a search for more!

All we were instructed to do was nothing other than observe our breath, which sounds simple to me. But you will find that if you try to concentrate on just your breath with your eyes closed for any length of time, your attention will very quickly be drawn into the future or the past – typically to painful or pleasurable past memories or created imaginations. Our task for the first three days was simply to observe our breath and nothing else. Whenever we became aware of our mind wondering, we were to bring it back to the breath – the sensations of the air moving in and out of our nostrils, and nothing else.

Very soon I became aware of my many patterns of thinking and behaviour, but most significantly I became aware of my back muscles seizing up. I crushed two vertebrae in my spine 12 years ago in a motorcycle accident and have suffered recurring problems, primarily muscle tension, ever since. It gets worse when I do not exercise or stretch regularly. My back muscles started to spasm by the end of day 1 having sat for over 10 hours without moving much. Although we had breaks between the 10 hours it began to take its toll, more physically than mentally or emotionally. Had I known we would be sitting in meditation for so long I am not sure I would have gone on the course. In retrospect I am very glad I did not know how tough the journey would be – I doubt I would have even started. That makes me think about some of the parallels with life; setting up as business; starting a relationship or writing a book, which I have now committed to doing. If we knew how hard the journey would be in advance would we even begin it?

As day 1 came to a close and I begun to realize the full enormity of what I had let myself in for; that I had embarked on a journey of pain and spiritual discovery – Buddha’s path to enlightenment and liberation! I began to wonder if I had made the right uninformed decision to come on a Vipassana meditation. Knowing I had another 90 hours of sitting in painful silence I questioned my commitment and both my mental and physical strength to see it through. The road ahead was gong to be long, painful and slow-going.

To be Continued….

Wow, what a couple of days. I left for Pondicherry, the former French colony, speeding away on my motorbike full of excitement and verve only to run out of petrol within about 15 minutes. I wasn’t told and I didn’t check to notice that the petrol tank was on ‘reserve’. Feeling slightly despondent I ground to a halt on the side of the highway baking in the sweltering heat, not looking or feeling quite so cool anymore. As I pushed my hunk of metal along the road, I started thinking about what I could learn from the experience; surely we can learn from all experiences…. A smile came across my face, even a smirk – prepare before setting off on any journey; take full responsibility, and make sure I have the necessary resources to reach my destination!

Luckily a friendly little Tamil chap who spoke absolutely no English signaled me to come with him to one of his friend’s shops – he did understand when I pointed at the petrol tank. Having had a good giggle about what I am not sure, and shared many smiles and even some of my biscuits, I set off once more having filled my tank with just enough petrol to make it a few miles.

The second time I ran out of petrol, another friendly not so little chap on the side of the road helped me to fill up with slightly more petrol, again from a plastic bottle. Only this time, just as I was departing another cheeky chap who spoke no English planted himself on the back of my bike for the ride. He was not my only passenger – I had another 2 people I gave lifts to, including a school kid who did actually speak English – a charming little fellow and cheeky enough to ask me for 1 rupee for having had the privilege of his company. It took me back to the days when I used to hitchhike around the South of England, only I didn’t ask for money! Lesson learned – if you don’t ask you don’t get. Actually he didn’t get either, but full marks for effort!

I did find it funny driving past a sign that said “Accident Zone” – I mean talk about embedded commands. As it happens, there were no signs of any accidents but on my journey – a cheeky monkey, a herd of goats, numerous cows and the odd dog pretty much threw themselves in front of my bike which was made all the more interesting because the breaks did not work very well, certainly not by English standards. Add to that, the fact that whoever made the bike decided to swap the sides where the break and gear-change pedals normally are. So every time I attempted an emergency stop I changed gear instead and every time I wanted to chance gear I’d slow down momentarily as I hit the break!

By day two of travelling on the bike I just about got the hang of it but a lifetime’s habit can be hard to change in a day. Having said that, never underestimate your ability to adapt and learn quickly, especially when its life or death. I think they call that leverage! As Darwin said, it’s survival of the most adaptable, not fittest, that counts. Luckily I was feeling pretty adaptable and so survived the numerous tests I was to face in the next day or so.

I mentioned the other day about some people out here not having hope, namely those who sleep under the stars. But that is not necessarily true. I believe that people here have more hope and faith than many people in England, but those that sleep rough and have nothing; I do wonder how much hope they have. I can’t answer that but I do wonder.

Having not eaten all day and feeling quite sunburnt I eventually arrived at the international community of Auroville – a project in ‘human unity’ – late in the afternoon having left the chaos of Pondicherry. Auroville was a somewhat surreal place… 80 rural settlements spread over 20k, about 1800 residents from 38 different nationalities of which two thirds are foreign. Each settlement has its own area of interest and expertise but I didn’t stay long, just long enough to have a portion of chips. I felt more at home in Pondy.

As I left Auroville to head back into the commotion of Pondicherry for the evening my horn failed. I counted how many horns I could hear within a 30 second period in Chennai and got to 67 before it became overwhelming and impossible to keep count – they love their horns out here! And I had lost mine, which actually put me at a serious disadvantage and also in peril. Without a horn you can’t make people aware of impending disaster or potential accidents that are around every corner. I resorted to revving my single cylinder engine as much as I could to get noticed, and not run over. It worked. And people also thought I was a madman so gave me an extra wide birth!

I passed a cow in the middle of the road which very nearly relieved herself all over me… luckily I evaded that with a big swerve into oncoming traffic. I’m sure I probably missed some sacred experience and would have been blessed for many lifetimes had I succumbed to the offering but instinct got the better of me.

I spent the first part of the evening alone on the sea front occasionally staring up at the stars and thinking of all the endless possibilities that lay ahead for me, and all of us on this journey.

“Buddhists believe that we live our ever day lives as if inside an eggshell. Just as an unhatched chick has few clues as to what life is truly like, most of us are only vaguely aware of the greater world that surrounds us. Excitement and depression, fortune and misfortune, pleasure and pain,” wrote Dhammapada scholar Eknath Easwaran, “are storms in a tiny, private, shell-bound realm – which we take to be the whole of existence. Yet we can break out of this shell and enter a new world”.

Having spent the evening with a very kind Tamil whose name I can’t remember and a couple of young Russian girls, one of which didn’t speak any English I took a rickshaw home at about midnight. I had a monkey attack me as I walked to find a rickshaw – I had to fend him off with my water bottle. It did occur to me that maybe I should have got my rabies jab!

The rickshaw driver, or rather rider, like most people I have met recently in Tamil Nadu spoke no English and was towing me, a cart, bicycle frame and himself along, all the time pedaling with bare feet! Judging by the look of him and the rickshaw, I suspect he was going to be sleeping on the side of the road. He forced his way for what seemed like miles across town. He had no idea where he was going so I eventually ended up getting out and taking a motorized auto. Despite haggling a good price with the barefoot rider and him taking me in completely the wrong direction, I felt pity on him and gave him the original price he quoted and a pack of biscuits. He didn’t say thank you, but then he didn’t speak English.

I had a large buffet lunch the following day having had a fairly lazy morning interspersed with exploring the craziness that is Pondicherry and the market rich with magical colours; fruits and vegetables; smells, spices and inquisitive smiles. After lunch I fell asleep in the park shaded by palm trees. On waking from my slumber I set off on my return journey to Mamallaparum.

About 35ks from home the clutch on the bike went. I was once again stranded, but still smiling. Eventually the chap from the motorbike shop turned up and we swapped bikes. Unbelievably I ran out of petrol again, on his bike this time! Someone stopped to help again. To be honest I was laughing, chuckling to myself at what an ordeal the whole bike saga had been. Even trying to start the Enfield on occasion took in excess of five minutes, and the bottom of my right foot is testament to that with the bruising and punishment it took in trying to kick start the forsaken machine.

It was dusk, the graveyard shift, although I didn’t yet know that. I decided that I had to make it home before it got dark so that I could keep wearing my sunglasses and protect my eyes from getting bugs in them as I rode home. But as the darkness closed in I found myself in something of a horror film, but this time I was the vicious maniacal murderer. I must have killed hundreds if not thousands of bugs with my bare face, arms and chest in that twenty minute ride home. Minute after minute the onslaught continued and even now I can feel my face wincing at the thought. It was pretty painful too. Bugs flying into your cheeks, forehead and arms at 40-50 miles an hour can pack a pretty good punch, especially the big ones!

And yet it was a fight against time, to get home quickly while there was still some light, so I could wear my sunglasses to protect me from the bugs. So I had to go faster and kill more. Oh, the graveyard that is my body…

Until next time….

Healing With NLP

Below is a transcription of a talk I gave very recently to a group of very good friends, most of which I had only known for 12 days from being on an NLP course in India with Sue Knight. I thought it would be a fitting way to start my blog, so I hope you enjoy this and what is to follow…..

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I asked God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things, I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given that I might feel the need of god.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, and I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am amongst all men, most richly blessed.

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That pretty much summarizes where I am at the moment, and my life to date and I guess where I have been holding my past. And I am really glad that Sue opened up the possibility of having some coaching this morning and it was ‘timeline’. Because while the experience over the last 12 days has been amazing I feel that it has really been about Sue building leaders in the world and modeling excellence and not NLP tools, techniques and perhaps what I would call therapy, or dealing with stuff. And I know that I have some stuff to deal with, and I am normally very good at dealing with that stuff.

Actually at the end of the last ‘Healing with NLP’ course I did a talk similar to this one. I was in floods of tears from start to finish, but don’t worry that’s not going to happen this time. But what was very interesting about doing the timeline this morning with Lesley, is that it brought up 3 things that I had completely blocked out of my memory. I was punched by a school teacher and kicked by the head master at my prep school – that is what came up for me as an emotional block in my chest when I went back in time exploring where that feeling or emotion came from… but there was still something about my neck – I was choked around my neck… and then it suddenly came to me. There was a time when I was very young, I am not sure how young, and I told my dad to fuck off. My dad was quite a violent man and he strangled me and he said ‘I’m going to fucking kill you”. He held on to me so tight that I thought he was actually going to kill me.

Just realizing that I thought, wow, that’s an interesting memory to come back.  Obviously something that was to this date holding me back unconsciously in some way. So I think that where I am now is the realization that everything is connected; my past, my pain, my suffering that I had a as a child has made me such an immensely powerful person – that I can now go and give to other people who really need to realise and release that power.

There have been a few people in my life who have really stood out and supported me – not healing with NLP, but with love. My parents couldn’t look after me when I was younger – they were both shall we say enjoying the ‘other side’ of life; they were alcoholics and basically hippies – I lived with them until I was about 7 and then my granddad who was in the army for 25 years looked after me because my parents were unable to. At the time it was very confusing because my parents just vanished one day – I didn’t know where they went – and I was left in a ‘military institution’ with my grandparents. Well my grandfather and my step grandmother – who were in fact the first colonels to get married in England ever.

I didn’t really know what happened for years. The next time I saw my dad I didn’t even recognize him, I had to ask my step granny who he was.

And so I grew up very confused, very lonely, I didn’t know I was depressed until I was in my 20s when I thought – what is going on here? So I went on a quest for knowledge, understanding and I am still on that journey now and I think I am now at a point where I am starting to kind of open up to people about my past. I tell a lot of people and I am open about my past but only certain people that I have a connection with, and never a group of people.

I think where I am coming to now, and this is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg, is that actually my past was a very powerful experience – I have gained a lot of strength from it, a lot of learning, a lot of meaning, a lot of compassion; I have learnt an awful lot from those painful experiences. I have known for a long time that I am here to help and inspire people and to give… and I have kind of been running away from that responsibility for years. I think being here in India and receiving all the feedback on my ability to coach and teach people; and seeing the truth of who I am, I know now that I have this calling which I can’t run away from.

And so the learning for me now is to allow myself to be vulnerable, allow myself to let go, allow myself to be here and now, present. If there are things coming up, to actually deal with them and to explore them in whatever way is appropriate.

And it’s starting to connect, I see like a figure of 8, or infinity. This ability we have to model anything means that I can literally go out and get anything I want. It was funny, when Sue asked yesterday, what did you model in those external environments – like the drumming, or yoga sessions etc, I thought, well there were a couple of things which were quite interesting, but I didn’t go out and consciously model much. So I think I am quite good at unconsciously modeling – I kind of pick things up but I find it quite difficult to go out and get something I want. But now I know that I can literally go out and get it – I can Be, Do & Have Anything I want in life. We really can, all of us!

It’s quite a responsibility to know that and to walk that path, this process that Sue talks about. You know we’re on a path of self discovery, of learning who we are, why we are here, of loving, loving ourselves, loving others… healing with NLP.

And I am now massively excited about the future. I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have what I always wanted.

Healing with NLP…

When I was a kid, we used to live in a cattle shed, we were homeless and literally lived in an old cattle shed across the stream from a very small village in the hills of Southern Spain called Benahavis. I remember roaming orange groves as a kid; we were like homeless little gypsy kids. I just remember the total freedom. Running around, picking oranges off the trees, having fun. I remember the sense of total freedom; sitting in the stream which was full of turtles and living in the sun. I always wanted that sense of freedom again when I grew up – that ability to travel, to have fun, be in the sunshine and be spontaneous and I’ve got that now. I have that opportunity!

And all of you have helped me so much in just being my mirror and, seeing how wonderful and beautiful you all are, how that is also in me. And I can love myself and let go of stuff… and just be… without any tension or worry.

So I am still on a journey and I feel very privileged. I know I have to look after myself and my health as a priority – and enjoy the journey, the spontaneity, the sunshine, and the people I meet.

At the same time, in my own way I can let go of the planning and the worry.
And just trust that things will come to me at the right time in the right way in the right place and I will be able to give my gift to the world in whatever way is appropriate.

So thank you everyone and thank you for letting me share my story. It’s quite a strange thing to share how bizarre your life can be with a group of people, and so thank you for listening and letting me share that with you… and… rock on!!

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

So why called this blog Healing With NLP?

Here are 3 truths about NLP:

‘Healing With NLP Truth 1′ - We are all on a journey (and as they saying goes it’s more important that the destination).

‘Healing With NLP Truth 2′ - We all have some sort of pattern(s) to heal.

‘Healing With NLP Truth 3′ - NLP is a tried and tested ‘what works’ methodology for healing any pattern.

I look back now and remember my early days in the NLP world thinking it was all about empowerment, releasing potential and awakening.  I now recognise it is very much about those things, but more than that it is about getting out of our own way, ‘letting go and letting God’, releasing childhood traumas and patterns so that we can be all we can be.  That it is a healing journey as much as it is an empowering one.  A journey of healing and much much more…

Until next time…

Enjoy your journey of empowerment… and healing with NLP.