A while back I signed up for a business coaching and mentoring programme.

Success without fulfilment is failure!

I’m a massive fan of coaching and mentoring as they show shortcuts to success… normally!

And I was very excited, having already achieved a certain level of success in my life and business to be taking things to the next level.

On the face of it (the marketing of it) the course I was on ticked ALL the boxes. As they normally do. I’ve signed up to various other courses in the past such as stock market investing, options courses, millionaire mind events, property investment courses, Internet Marketing programs, NLP – you name it…. and have had the same experience as most people. A sales pitch into higher and higher programmes which make the people who run them rich but do very little to REALLY help me get to where I want let alone rich. Luckily there are some exceptions.  There is also an important ambiguity which I will explore another time… what does being ‘rich’ actually mean?

Anyway, when I signed up to this business and coaching mentoring programme I was truly excited. The marketing message was perfect for me… they understood the challenges I was having, they had the right solution, I even had a couple of consultations before joining and the person really listened, cared and understood where I was coming from.  But… Read more…

Accelerated NLP Training – what is the barrier to you creating something amazing in your life – right now?

“Be The Change You Want To See In The World” Mahatma Gandhi (A quick journey in NLP Modelling)

I don’t know a single person in the world with whom these words have not rung true.

I believe that the theme, the essence of these words – Be The Change – are more important and relevant right now than ever before.  In these times of incredible change in technology and human consciousness; in the way we do business; in the way we are called to show up in the World, we all have the capacity to be the change we want to see in this amazing World.

Its been some time since I’ve communicated with many of you, and there is good reason.  I personally have been through massive change in the last 6 months, having come back from a long hot winter in India.

Locals kids hitching a ride in Kerala

As most of you know I’ve taken the last couple of years off travelling, living in Ibiza and India, running workshops and developing my new venture – giving people the skills, experiences and models to literally Be, Do & Have Anything.

Really, the outcome of my ‘work’ is in marrying two apparently disparate concepts – Financial and Emotional Freedom. Success and Fulfillment.  Money and Happiness.

They seem to be very illusive for many people.  Often people make good money, but are not really happy.  And often they are happy and fulfilled, but do not have material wealth.

The question I have been asking for the last decade is, how can we have both?  How can we marry financial freedom – the ability to do what we want, where we want, when we want – WHILE also being truly and sustainably happy? Read more…

What an incredibly unique and beautiful way to start the day. It’s shortly before 5am, pitch black and I am sitting cross legged overlooking the invisibly black sea below doing yoga, pranayama and meditating.  I don’t think I have ever started a day in such a uniquely relaxing, beautiful and connecting way.  And this is only on day 1 of being in the Ashram.

Already I am looking forwards to starting my day like this tomorrow.  We wake up at 4:30 and by 5am we’re doing yoga and drifting in and out of consciousness as we relax while meditating.  Then a cup of chai around 8:30am, and as I start to connect with the ‘reality’ of the day I begin thinking – most people are getting into work  – and here we are beginning our day in a state of meditation and connection.  And that reminds me of what Rata Krishnan said today, ‘work is like a healthy meditation’… how different that perception of work is here from the UK… they love what they do here!

Watching the sun rise slowly far in the distance, hanging over the backwaters and coconut palms, with the sea crashing against the deserted sandy beach I realise that it’s not just the yoga that induces relaxation and joy, it’s also this most beautiful and rich environment conducive to connecting with nature and all that is around.

View of the Arabian Sea from the Ashram

I’ve been doing yoga on the beach for the last few weeks.  I am amazed at the flexibility I have developed in that short period of time.  I can easily touch my toes and in fact hold my feet while stretching my hamstrings.  It’s wonderful to be in the Ashram.  Some of you may be conjuring up images of a beautiful and spiritual home lined with plants and tranquil water features… but the Ashram does not portray that kind of beauty.

It is one of the most basic and indeed cluttered environments I have lived in… everything is put to use here or stored haphazardly here and there, waiting for another day.  My mattress is just thick enough to allow for sleep and there is no sink, just an open shower and toilette.   It’s dirty.  But it’s home and it holds no secrets.  It’s open, honest and real.  Perhaps that’s all we want to be.  Swamiji is a great believer on cleaning the inside rather than the outside.  Hence yoga, meditation and proper food are good for cleaning the spirit and soul. Read more…

Why would anyone want to learn NLP?

I’ve just ambled lazily back across the pristine white sand of a deserted beach in Cherai having been swimming alone in the Arabian sea – a beautiful luke warm bath with surfable waves apparently induced by the solar eclipse.  Being back in India is like coming home!

The Kerala Backwaters... kissing the Arabian Sea

Having grown up until the age of 7 with with my parents who were hippies, and having lived in more houses that I have lived years its pretty much indisputable that I’m a born nomad.  And I normally feel very much at home wherever I am.  I have been living in Ibiza since last summer which I consider to be my spiritual home, despite the reputation it has among many in Britain!  But India feels as much a home if not more than anywhere else, and coming back here this year for a couple of months reminds me of how utterly special and unique this country is and how I want to keep coming back here each year – to this most rich, vibrant, beautifully alive and special place.

Today, the day of the solar eclipse, is a special day.  Not just because of the eclipse but because I have committed to recognising and changing a pattern of mine which I know will have a profound impact on my life, and perhaps more importantly the lives of others around me.

As you learn NLP you’ll discover what’s known as meta-programmes, or filters.  These are how we filter information coming through our senses and make sense of the world.  Well, today I have added a new one today, an important distinction for me, and that is the notion of ‘input’ versus ‘output’.  I love learning, in fact I am addicted to learning.  A much better addiction than some things, but nonetheless an addiction.  I love input, I love learning, I love to learn NLP; I love finding out what others do, say and think and modelling their success.  But today I believe its time that I reverse this pattern and now ‘output’ more than I ‘input’.

So my new blog and websites are being built and I am in the process of designing products and workshops to give others this rich, peripatetic, vibrant and fun life that I am so privileged to have, or whatever it is that they truly want!

Riding along the dusty roads today on my Enflield Bullet, the thud thud thud of the 350cc single cylinder engine attracting attention as if it were a pink tractor I realised just how lucky I am to have designed my life this way and I know have the desire to give others the gifts and leanings I have had along my journey.

One of many rides I gave to locals kids on my Enfleld Bullet

Its paradoxical in some respects that I am entirely responsible for creating my life in this way and yet at the same time there are unseen forces in the Universe that have helped conspire towards me following this path, to open up to and awaken to all the magical coincidences and synchronicities around me…. around us all!

And so riding along on my Enflied thinking about all this today, I became very grateful and excited. I also became aware of how I can tend to overcomplicated life.  Life can be very simple.  I know that from watching how simply people live out here.

The other day I asked Sajeen, an amazing and young yoga teacher in Cherai, “is life good”? to which he smiled and replied “of course” as if it could not be any other way and my question was absurd.  Now, that is simplicity, finding love and joy in everything because you choose to!

It’s funny that somehow in the so-called civilised West many of us have come to believe, or been conditioned through advertising and cultural norms – that if I get x I will feel y.  Whereas in fact we can feel any way we want whenever we want.  And then enjoy the journey as well as the destination!  Perhaps that is the secret, but of course knowing something and doing it are two very different things.

I heard Gary Vaynerchuck say earlier today “love what you do and if you don’t then STOP.  There is absolutely no need to be not enjoying yourself in this day and age.”

And I concur.  There is more technology, money, opportunity, information and wealth than at any other time in the history of humankind.  If you are pursuing making money or a 9-5 and you’re not enjoying it, then you are doing yourself and humanity a disservice and going after success rather than fulfilment.  And that to me is failure.

There are so many people with apparently so little who manage to be happy…. who manage to just be, and be happy, and I believe we can all learn the distinctions which enable them to live in that place.  For me one of those distinctions is a commitment to daily practice every morning, which at the moment is yoga.  As I sit on the beach now writing this blog, I am looking one way and then the other as far as I can see and there is not a soul… not a single solitary soul.  I could be lonely but I am not.  Because deep inside I am connecting to a place of love, joy and inspiration and that is open to all of us at any moment in time. And I’m outputting

And it is in that connecting, that desire to connect into the bigger system, to output rather than input, that I believe is one of our greatest sources of sustainable joy.  That is where we find happiness.  The question then is, what do we need to focus on, to believe in and do in order to be in that place of joy?  What do you need to focus on now?  Do you want to learn NLP to really accelerate your success?  Just remember, that success without fulfilment is failure.

Looking above me watching the eagles circling in the dense heat of the Indian sky, with nature all around blending seamlessly into an enticing array of colours, cows, cats, cockerels, ducks and dogs, I feel humbled as I reminisce on the rich and varied day I have had.  I am humbled by the smiles of nearly every person I passed earlier today on my motorbike; by the simplicity and pace of life; by the acceptance that all is as its meant to be.  As I recall – the three smiling middle aged ladies in vibrant buttercup-yellow dresses, the pink and orange houses that I passed and the cows grazing peacefully by the side of the road – I am reminded that happiness is all we want.  Happiness is all we truly want.  And that is success.  And that is why I decided to learn NLP…. to discover how I could be both happy and successful.

Go follow your bliss!
With love
Tristan

If you want to learn NLP feel free to enquire about my distance learning programme, or continue browsing the site.

I woke this morning to the most magical sunrise. It fact it was not the sunrise itself that was so magical but the clouds, in the way that they reflected and dispersed hues of orange, yellow and red stretching into silver lined clouds beyond.  And seeing them melting into the infinite blue sky beyond that really struck me.

It’s incredibly inspiring looking outside myself and being absorbed into nature and the world around rather than being absorbed in my own thinking; my own needs and desires.  I think it’s called being fully associated, or really in the moment!

And this morning I did that as I went for a run.  It was a truly magical, connecting and enthralling experience. I found myself running through deserted woodland, with the dew rising slowly and effortlessly from the green foliage around.  I’m feeling soft branches and leaves brushing my skin and the intense heat of the sun my forehead.  And I notice I am thinking of nothing and feeling everything.  And then as I become aware of the droplets of sweat beginning to fall from my forehead I notice myself saying ‘this really is beautiful’!  A big grin spreads across my face.

This I believe, is what life is about – experiencing the depths of our emotions, experiencing the here and now and perhaps more than anything, experiencing energy.

A couple of apparently profound thoughts came to me today while running and later sitting on the beach.  And one of those was about this concept of energy or flow.

I remember thinking to myself a long time ago about ‘flow’.  A  state of flow was something I really aspired to experience on a regular basis, in fact all the time. I became consciously aware of creating a state of flow myself and noticing when I was not in that state so that I could adjust my thinking, physiology and language patterns in order that I could get back into flow.

I think it is this, our ability to manage our state, change state and create a state that is really the difference that makes a difference in our experience of life, in our ability to be happy and to be, do and have anything we really want.

The only reason we do anything is for a feeling…

As humans we are emotion, or feeling driven creatures. We do things to gain pleasure and avoid pain, and often both are motivating factors at the same time.

There are three ways primary ways we create emotions. Firstly, we create emotion by what we focus on. So if you focus on something you want to have in your life you will have one emotional reaction, and if you focus on something you don’t want you have a different emotional reaction. Focus, whether thinking internally in our minds or looking outside of ourselves creates emotion or feelings.

Physiologically, or moving our body also creates emotion… if you slouch now in your chair and don’t move you create one emotion. And now as you sit up and smile and take a deep breath you will create another emotion. We really can profoundly affect our experience in the here and now simply by moving out body.  Motion creates emotion!

And finally our language, the words that we say to ourselves, also creates emotion.  Just think of the difference in your experience if you say to yourself “I feel fine” or “I feel great”.

These are the three core components that create the emotions we feel on a day-to-day basis, and indeed from moment to moment.  Language, physiology and focus.

How are you creating energy?

And in mastering and modelling the difference makes the difference in creating different states that you want in your life, you can become master of your emotions.

“What we see and hear is what we think about what we think about is what we feel. What we feel influences reactions. Reactions become habits and is habits that determine our destiny.” Bob Grass

So I wonder what it is you will be paying attention to today.  And I also wonder how you will be using your inherent ability to change the way you are using your body, your language and your focus of attention to create new experiences and the states that you want to experience moment by moment….

Grinning from ear to ear and very excited to be back, I have just arrived in the UK to grey skies and a damp Monday morning having been away for about 5 months. Time to reflect on what an amazing journey I have been on in that time, and perhaps what kind of journey you have been on too….

It has been about 8 weeks since I finished my Vipassana meditation where I spent over 10 hours meditating in silence each day and the other 14 hours not speaking, reading, writing or even allowed to look into other people’s eyes….

Meditating 10 hours a day!

You might be wondering then, what on earth I actually got up to and how that journey has affected me now that I am back in the UK. Read on to find out….

Day seven and I am all set to go – I’m fully committed – only three days left to go out of ten days in total silence, showing me Buddha’s path to enlightenment and liberation. Little did I know that when I decided to go on this experience, but I am here now and committed to finishing my stint!

And to be fair with six days behind me and only 4 days to go, it’s a walk in the park now, the final furlong! This is going to be great, having had a pretty tough time of it for six days, I’ve have had my breakthrough and I am committed to writing my book. It’s all good… I have even found that by sitting on my knees with my feet tucked behind me while meditating, I can sit still for over an hour without too much discomfort and without my back going into spasm. I’m not yet sure that I can do this for 10 hours a day, but it beats sitting in a half-baked backbreaking lotus position which I simply couldn’t handle with two crushed vertebrae in my spine.

So feeling rather confident and puffed up like a plump robin, I find myself sitting for 45 minutes after lunch when the teacher calls me up to the front of the dhamma hall as he does with most people to check they are doing things correctly. I get up and start walking towards him and notice that something’s not quite right. But before I know it my head hits the ground and I crumple into a pile on the floor. I don’t really know what happened so my natural instinct is to pull myself back up and start walking again. I collapse again. Only this time I don’t get up. The commands simply aren’t getting through to my lower body, I have two dead legs. Waking most people out of their deep trance, I realize I have caused an imbalance in the otherwise equinamous vibe of the afternoon’s meditation session so I slowly drag myself to the front of the room with my legs trailing like a leper’s behind me.

I sat there feeling slightly embarrassed, in pain and hopeless as the teacher completely dismissed the incident and instead checked to see if I was meditating correctly. He didn’t acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary had occurred and so I figured whatever did just happen couldn’t be that serious or injurious to my health. Now that is equinomous… model that!! After a few words from the teacher and reciprocating nods of the head from me, I quietly limped back to my matt and sat back in the same position with my feet tucked behind me. Within moments I realized that there was something adrift; all was not well. I slowly got to my feet and hobbled to the back of the room and then left the hall to journey once again to my home, this time hopping on one foot.

Oh dear, it would appear I did some serious damage to my foot. The rest of the day I am confined to my bed trying to make sense of what happened and more to the point trying to assess the severity or damage. Have I broken my foot or is it just badly sprained? Lying there feeling sorry myself, I eventually let go of what was happening to me and simply became aware of my feelings, aware of my foot, aware my unconscious mind, my untamed mind taking me on this journey.

Then as the afternoon passed I started to become frustrated and wonder what I was missing out on; the experience, the journey, the enlightenment that the others were having that I was missing out on.

After a few of hours of completely unequanimous behaviour I decide I can just hop my way to the finish line and I made my way to the meditation hall. I began to meditate again. The last two or three days were as usual challenging but also rewarding as I slowly began to accept and understand the teachings of Buddha and the universal laws of nature that were in those teachings.

To be honest, there’s nothing that profound or especially enlightening, or even that challenging in the teachings. They are to me and I believe most people common sense. It is not some religion, doctrine or dogma but an understanding of the universal laws of nature.

The meditation technique works on a practical basis by scanning the body for sensations and then ensuring our conscious minds do not react with craving or aversion to those sensations. How that works on an unconscious level I pretty much understand – reprogramming the mind to not react to physical sensations or anchors which otherwise would trigger certain behaviors, but I have not experienced a fundamental transformation by meditating in that way for just 10 days. Having said that I am much more mindful and centred these days, but that may well have as much to do with the amazing and enlightening journey I have been on these last five months as the 10 day Vipassana meditation.

In NLP terms the process is to me like collapsing anchors at an unconscious level. I’m just not sure that I want to turn into a monk and spend my life meditating two hours a day or more in order to collapse craving or aversion anchors. And I do not like the idea that apparently once you commit to the path of Vipassana meditation you cannot and should not look into other disciplines. Apparently this is so you can truly master the technique. I have no doubt that it works for many people. It is similar in my quest in becoming a real master in NLP, to commit to one discipline and become a master in that rather than a jack of all trades. But paradoxically NLP encourages us, even requires that we explore, model and learn from other disciplines and people. It is the pursuit of excellence, or a commitment to a process of modeling excellence that is so much more flexible and I believe powerful than Vipassana. With Vipassana meditation I can’t get immediate changes in others. With NLP I can.

Either way it was a very challenging, enlightening and profound experience and I would recommend others to go on that journey if only to explore the edges of your boundaries and comfort zone and experience an extended period of reprogramming your mind to just BE. I think the journey enlightens us to another way of being. One where we can remain equanimous or perfectly balanced no mater what is going on around us. Now tell me someone who wouldn’t want that with all that is going on in the world right now?! As usual, knowing something and living it are two very different things; I think the idea behind Vipassana is to live and experience that equanimity or balance on a consistent basis so that it becomes a deeply ingrained way of being.

So as I sit here watching the drizzle fall from the grey London skies outside, I am reminded of what a wonderfully enriching journey I have been on these last few months and how no matter what does or doesn’t work with Vipassana meditation techniques the principles and underlying psychology behind the technique is useful for all of us to keep in mind. With so much going on in today’s busy world and with so many challenges around us, it is perhaps more important than ever to remain in our flow, not craving or averse to any experience or emotion but in stead to be really present, alive and open to the Universe and all the wonders it has to offer.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” Anais Nin

And on that note, I will leave you to enjoy the sunshine that has just emerged through the grey and apparently impenetrable clouds, as it always does!

Until next time…

Having completed day one of the Vipassana meditation in total silence, I knew I could make it through the next couple of days but was not sure I really wanted to. Day two was a challenge mentally in much the same way as the first – constantly bringing my roaming and untamed mind back to focusing solely on my breath. I had to change my sitting position often as my back muscles continued to seize up. I moved from sitting on my backside in the lotus position (well my version of it!) to sitting on my backside like I was around a campfire with my knees tucked up in front of me at chest height – this gave me something to grab onto with my arms to help hold me upright, but eventually it pulled my back muscles uncomfortably. Occasionally I sat upright with my weight over my knees and lower legs; my feet tucked behind me. This position gave my back the best structural support but ensured the blood stopped flowing to my feet within a short period of time.

Waking to Pavlov’s bell at 4am – promising the food of enlightenment but receiving the scraps of meditation from 4:30am – we sat for two grueling hours until breakfast at 6:30am. Its funny, I never associated meditation with the word grueling before but trust me, it was! What we must have looked like – 50 odd looking people, all sitting still facing the same direction without smiling or moving for 2 hours! Breakfast for me was normally taken outside the dining hall after the morning meditation. I sipped my sweet tea, or chai, from a small metal cup every morning as the first traces of daylight spread their rainbow rays across the sky and the mist lifted slowly over the picturesque paddy fields and coconut palms unfolding into the distance.

Following breakfast and a rest which was normally spent asleep, we began another hour’s ‘endurance’ meditation which from day four onwards was to include no movement at all – no opening eyes and no hand or body movements. After this hour we had a 10 minute break and then resumed for another 2 hours, just focusing on the breath until 11am when we had lunch. Following lunch and another sleep we convened in the meditation or dhamma hall at 1pm for another 4 hours meditation interspersed with two 10 minute breaks. It sounds like such inspiring fun even just writing these words! At 5pm we had some chai which was the highlight of my day, and perhaps a little fruit. We were meant to be aware of our cravings and aversions but not to react to them. I was very aware of craving a lovely sugary cup of chai at the end of each day! The evening consisted of an hour’s meditation, a video explaining what was going on and how we were treading the path of Buddha’s enlightenment, and then another half hour meditation before bed at 9:30pm.

As the evening of the second night drew to a close there was a beautiful plump full moon shining brightly over the palm’s stretching into the distance. I remember thinking while gazing out into the moon-light night with fireflies gliding gracefully and crickets chirping cheerily, if I can do 2 days then I can do 10! But apart from the delights of sweet chai, my sleep and the view I was not enjoying the experience. I was suffering physically, and I was overwhelmed with the idea that this path was apparently the only path to enlightenment! I thought I had come on a Vipassana meditation to be in silence for 10 days, to have as profound experience and to feel much more present after a few days. I had no idea I was going to have to sit for 10 hours or more every day meditating with breaks only every hour or two, or that I would begin to experience and learn about Buddha’s path to liberation and enlightenment!

I had been recommended the course by a good friend, Arun, who had told me it was a profound experience in which after about five days you become much more present. It turns out his experience was in Japan and much more user friendly – only 5-7 hours meditation a day and some of it was optional – all of ours was compulsory!

Still, as the minutes and hours passed and my mind raced from one thought to another I began to slow down and enjoy the small delights of the experience, of just being. The view from the meditation hall was beautiful beyond words in its simplicity and stillness. The open area beyond the meditation hall was adorned with beautiful coconut palms balanced perfectly on little raised mounds of earth stretching to the paddy field beyond was like something out of a film. Every day, two or three cows accompanied by beautiful white stalks grazed aimlessly while the odd worker carried crops in the fields beyond. That serene view from sunrise to sunset comforted us like a warm cuddle from a loved one. It gave us some outer beauty to enjoy while we battled with our inner beauty.

As day three progressed, things with my back became more and more painful and challenging. Every day we had the opportunity to speak to the teacher about the technique, which I took as an opportunity to ask about my back. Every time he encouraged me to transcend my pain, to be aware of it but not to react. I must remain equanimous – no craving, no aversion. The problem was, that after three days of sitting like I had never sat before my back was getting worse and worse and I was worried that I would not be what walking out of the meditation centre at all.

After lunch on day four, I went to the teacher and explain my predicament again. As usual, he used his most excellent strategy of not listening to me and instead interrupting and telling me what to do. But this time I interrupted him and told him, no, you don’t understand this is not about me transcending my pain, this is about my back falling apart! I somehow talked him into allowing me to have a chair which I then sat in for the next day and a half.

While the physical challenge was overcome on day four and five, the mental challenge of understanding, accepting and integrating the teachings made the whole experience increasingly difficult. By this stage we had lost a couple of people but the vast majority were sticking at it, and I would later find out, struggling like me.

On day six I had a real breakthrough. Having conversed with myself from morning until night over the last six days, at lot of things had become clear. I resolved to write a book and having passed the midway point, I committed to staying the course. I felt stronger; I was starting to understand the principles of Vipassana and I was able to recognize and accept the similarities of these teachings to those of NLP, which I have been studying for the last five years or so. In fact the teachings of Buddha are pretty simple.

The only reason we ever do anything is for a feeling. That being the case, Buddha believed we should let go of our attachments to our cravings and aversions– it is these that cause us misery and suffering. We should remain equanimous, calm and balanced because all things are impermanent. This is the law of nature. And this being the case everything arises and passes – feelings arise and pass – as do cravings and aversions.

And so having focused just on our breath for the first three days, throughout the next three we were tasked with scanning our bodies from head-to-toe and toe-to-head for sensations and simply be aware of them. In just being aware and not reacting to the apparent pleasurable or uncomfortable sensations that are going on all over the body all the time, we were reprogramming our minds at an unconscious level not react to cravings and aversions. I was becoming liberated, and the path to enlightenment was unfolding in front of me…

To be continued…