What an incredibly unique and beautiful way to start the day. It’s shortly before 5am, pitch black and I am sitting cross legged overlooking the invisibly black sea below doing yoga, pranayama and meditating.  I don’t think I have ever started a day in such a uniquely relaxing, beautiful and connecting way.  And this is only on day 1 of being in the Ashram.

Already I am looking forwards to starting my day like this tomorrow.  We wake up at 4:30 and by 5am we’re doing yoga and drifting in and out of consciousness as we relax while meditating.  Then a cup of chai around 8:30am, and as I start to connect with the ‘reality’ of the day I begin thinking – most people are getting into work  – and here we are beginning our day in a state of meditation and connection.  And that reminds me of what Rata Krishnan said today, ‘work is like a healthy meditation’… how different that perception of work is here from the UK… they love what they do here!

Watching the sun rise slowly far in the distance, hanging over the backwaters and coconut palms, with the sea crashing against the deserted sandy beach I realise that it’s not just the yoga that induces relaxation and joy, it’s also this most beautiful and rich environment conducive to connecting with nature and all that is around.

View of the Arabian Sea from the Ashram

I’ve been doing yoga on the beach for the last few weeks.  I am amazed at the flexibility I have developed in that short period of time.  I can easily touch my toes and in fact hold my feet while stretching my hamstrings.  It’s wonderful to be in the Ashram.  Some of you may be conjuring up images of a beautiful and spiritual home lined with plants and tranquil water features… but the Ashram does not portray that kind of beauty.

It is one of the most basic and indeed cluttered environments I have lived in… everything is put to use here or stored haphazardly here and there, waiting for another day.  My mattress is just thick enough to allow for sleep and there is no sink, just an open shower and toilette.   It’s dirty.  But it’s home and it holds no secrets.  It’s open, honest and real.  Perhaps that’s all we want to be.  Swamiji is a great believer on cleaning the inside rather than the outside.  Hence yoga, meditation and proper food are good for cleaning the spirit and soul. Read more…

Grinning from ear to ear and very excited to be back, I have just arrived in the UK to grey skies and a damp Monday morning having been away for about 5 months. Time to reflect on what an amazing journey I have been on in that time, and perhaps what kind of journey you have been on too….

It has been about 8 weeks since I finished my Vipassana meditation where I spent over 10 hours meditating in silence each day and the other 14 hours not speaking, reading, writing or even allowed to look into other people’s eyes….

Meditating 10 hours a day!

You might be wondering then, what on earth I actually got up to and how that journey has affected me now that I am back in the UK. Read on to find out….

Day seven and I am all set to go – I’m fully committed – only three days left to go out of ten days in total silence, showing me Buddha’s path to enlightenment and liberation. Little did I know that when I decided to go on this experience, but I am here now and committed to finishing my stint!

And to be fair with six days behind me and only 4 days to go, it’s a walk in the park now, the final furlong! This is going to be great, having had a pretty tough time of it for six days, I’ve have had my breakthrough and I am committed to writing my book. It’s all good… I have even found that by sitting on my knees with my feet tucked behind me while meditating, I can sit still for over an hour without too much discomfort and without my back going into spasm. I’m not yet sure that I can do this for 10 hours a day, but it beats sitting in a half-baked backbreaking lotus position which I simply couldn’t handle with two crushed vertebrae in my spine.

So feeling rather confident and puffed up like a plump robin, I find myself sitting for 45 minutes after lunch when the teacher calls me up to the front of the dhamma hall as he does with most people to check they are doing things correctly. I get up and start walking towards him and notice that something’s not quite right. But before I know it my head hits the ground and I crumple into a pile on the floor. I don’t really know what happened so my natural instinct is to pull myself back up and start walking again. I collapse again. Only this time I don’t get up. The commands simply aren’t getting through to my lower body, I have two dead legs. Waking most people out of their deep trance, I realize I have caused an imbalance in the otherwise equinamous vibe of the afternoon’s meditation session so I slowly drag myself to the front of the room with my legs trailing like a leper’s behind me.

I sat there feeling slightly embarrassed, in pain and hopeless as the teacher completely dismissed the incident and instead checked to see if I was meditating correctly. He didn’t acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary had occurred and so I figured whatever did just happen couldn’t be that serious or injurious to my health. Now that is equinomous… model that!! After a few words from the teacher and reciprocating nods of the head from me, I quietly limped back to my matt and sat back in the same position with my feet tucked behind me. Within moments I realized that there was something adrift; all was not well. I slowly got to my feet and hobbled to the back of the room and then left the hall to journey once again to my home, this time hopping on one foot.

Oh dear, it would appear I did some serious damage to my foot. The rest of the day I am confined to my bed trying to make sense of what happened and more to the point trying to assess the severity or damage. Have I broken my foot or is it just badly sprained? Lying there feeling sorry myself, I eventually let go of what was happening to me and simply became aware of my feelings, aware of my foot, aware my unconscious mind, my untamed mind taking me on this journey.

Then as the afternoon passed I started to become frustrated and wonder what I was missing out on; the experience, the journey, the enlightenment that the others were having that I was missing out on.

After a few of hours of completely unequanimous behaviour I decide I can just hop my way to the finish line and I made my way to the meditation hall. I began to meditate again. The last two or three days were as usual challenging but also rewarding as I slowly began to accept and understand the teachings of Buddha and the universal laws of nature that were in those teachings.

To be honest, there’s nothing that profound or especially enlightening, or even that challenging in the teachings. They are to me and I believe most people common sense. It is not some religion, doctrine or dogma but an understanding of the universal laws of nature.

The meditation technique works on a practical basis by scanning the body for sensations and then ensuring our conscious minds do not react with craving or aversion to those sensations. How that works on an unconscious level I pretty much understand – reprogramming the mind to not react to physical sensations or anchors which otherwise would trigger certain behaviors, but I have not experienced a fundamental transformation by meditating in that way for just 10 days. Having said that I am much more mindful and centred these days, but that may well have as much to do with the amazing and enlightening journey I have been on these last five months as the 10 day Vipassana meditation.

In NLP terms the process is to me like collapsing anchors at an unconscious level. I’m just not sure that I want to turn into a monk and spend my life meditating two hours a day or more in order to collapse craving or aversion anchors. And I do not like the idea that apparently once you commit to the path of Vipassana meditation you cannot and should not look into other disciplines. Apparently this is so you can truly master the technique. I have no doubt that it works for many people. It is similar in my quest in becoming a real master in NLP, to commit to one discipline and become a master in that rather than a jack of all trades. But paradoxically NLP encourages us, even requires that we explore, model and learn from other disciplines and people. It is the pursuit of excellence, or a commitment to a process of modeling excellence that is so much more flexible and I believe powerful than Vipassana. With Vipassana meditation I can’t get immediate changes in others. With NLP I can.

Either way it was a very challenging, enlightening and profound experience and I would recommend others to go on that journey if only to explore the edges of your boundaries and comfort zone and experience an extended period of reprogramming your mind to just BE. I think the journey enlightens us to another way of being. One where we can remain equanimous or perfectly balanced no mater what is going on around us. Now tell me someone who wouldn’t want that with all that is going on in the world right now?! As usual, knowing something and living it are two very different things; I think the idea behind Vipassana is to live and experience that equanimity or balance on a consistent basis so that it becomes a deeply ingrained way of being.

So as I sit here watching the drizzle fall from the grey London skies outside, I am reminded of what a wonderfully enriching journey I have been on these last few months and how no matter what does or doesn’t work with Vipassana meditation techniques the principles and underlying psychology behind the technique is useful for all of us to keep in mind. With so much going on in today’s busy world and with so many challenges around us, it is perhaps more important than ever to remain in our flow, not craving or averse to any experience or emotion but in stead to be really present, alive and open to the Universe and all the wonders it has to offer.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” Anais Nin

And on that note, I will leave you to enjoy the sunshine that has just emerged through the grey and apparently impenetrable clouds, as it always does!

Until next time…

Having completed day one of the Vipassana meditation in total silence, I knew I could make it through the next couple of days but was not sure I really wanted to. Day two was a challenge mentally in much the same way as the first – constantly bringing my roaming and untamed mind back to focusing solely on my breath. I had to change my sitting position often as my back muscles continued to seize up. I moved from sitting on my backside in the lotus position (well my version of it!) to sitting on my backside like I was around a campfire with my knees tucked up in front of me at chest height – this gave me something to grab onto with my arms to help hold me upright, but eventually it pulled my back muscles uncomfortably. Occasionally I sat upright with my weight over my knees and lower legs; my feet tucked behind me. This position gave my back the best structural support but ensured the blood stopped flowing to my feet within a short period of time.

Waking to Pavlov’s bell at 4am – promising the food of enlightenment but receiving the scraps of meditation from 4:30am – we sat for two grueling hours until breakfast at 6:30am. Its funny, I never associated meditation with the word grueling before but trust me, it was! What we must have looked like – 50 odd looking people, all sitting still facing the same direction without smiling or moving for 2 hours! Breakfast for me was normally taken outside the dining hall after the morning meditation. I sipped my sweet tea, or chai, from a small metal cup every morning as the first traces of daylight spread their rainbow rays across the sky and the mist lifted slowly over the picturesque paddy fields and coconut palms unfolding into the distance.

Following breakfast and a rest which was normally spent asleep, we began another hour’s ‘endurance’ meditation which from day four onwards was to include no movement at all – no opening eyes and no hand or body movements. After this hour we had a 10 minute break and then resumed for another 2 hours, just focusing on the breath until 11am when we had lunch. Following lunch and another sleep we convened in the meditation or dhamma hall at 1pm for another 4 hours meditation interspersed with two 10 minute breaks. It sounds like such inspiring fun even just writing these words! At 5pm we had some chai which was the highlight of my day, and perhaps a little fruit. We were meant to be aware of our cravings and aversions but not to react to them. I was very aware of craving a lovely sugary cup of chai at the end of each day! The evening consisted of an hour’s meditation, a video explaining what was going on and how we were treading the path of Buddha’s enlightenment, and then another half hour meditation before bed at 9:30pm.

As the evening of the second night drew to a close there was a beautiful plump full moon shining brightly over the palm’s stretching into the distance. I remember thinking while gazing out into the moon-light night with fireflies gliding gracefully and crickets chirping cheerily, if I can do 2 days then I can do 10! But apart from the delights of sweet chai, my sleep and the view I was not enjoying the experience. I was suffering physically, and I was overwhelmed with the idea that this path was apparently the only path to enlightenment! I thought I had come on a Vipassana meditation to be in silence for 10 days, to have as profound experience and to feel much more present after a few days. I had no idea I was going to have to sit for 10 hours or more every day meditating with breaks only every hour or two, or that I would begin to experience and learn about Buddha’s path to liberation and enlightenment!

I had been recommended the course by a good friend, Arun, who had told me it was a profound experience in which after about five days you become much more present. It turns out his experience was in Japan and much more user friendly – only 5-7 hours meditation a day and some of it was optional – all of ours was compulsory!

Still, as the minutes and hours passed and my mind raced from one thought to another I began to slow down and enjoy the small delights of the experience, of just being. The view from the meditation hall was beautiful beyond words in its simplicity and stillness. The open area beyond the meditation hall was adorned with beautiful coconut palms balanced perfectly on little raised mounds of earth stretching to the paddy field beyond was like something out of a film. Every day, two or three cows accompanied by beautiful white stalks grazed aimlessly while the odd worker carried crops in the fields beyond. That serene view from sunrise to sunset comforted us like a warm cuddle from a loved one. It gave us some outer beauty to enjoy while we battled with our inner beauty.

As day three progressed, things with my back became more and more painful and challenging. Every day we had the opportunity to speak to the teacher about the technique, which I took as an opportunity to ask about my back. Every time he encouraged me to transcend my pain, to be aware of it but not to react. I must remain equanimous – no craving, no aversion. The problem was, that after three days of sitting like I had never sat before my back was getting worse and worse and I was worried that I would not be what walking out of the meditation centre at all.

After lunch on day four, I went to the teacher and explain my predicament again. As usual, he used his most excellent strategy of not listening to me and instead interrupting and telling me what to do. But this time I interrupted him and told him, no, you don’t understand this is not about me transcending my pain, this is about my back falling apart! I somehow talked him into allowing me to have a chair which I then sat in for the next day and a half.

While the physical challenge was overcome on day four and five, the mental challenge of understanding, accepting and integrating the teachings made the whole experience increasingly difficult. By this stage we had lost a couple of people but the vast majority were sticking at it, and I would later find out, struggling like me.

On day six I had a real breakthrough. Having conversed with myself from morning until night over the last six days, at lot of things had become clear. I resolved to write a book and having passed the midway point, I committed to staying the course. I felt stronger; I was starting to understand the principles of Vipassana and I was able to recognize and accept the similarities of these teachings to those of NLP, which I have been studying for the last five years or so. In fact the teachings of Buddha are pretty simple.

The only reason we ever do anything is for a feeling. That being the case, Buddha believed we should let go of our attachments to our cravings and aversions– it is these that cause us misery and suffering. We should remain equanimous, calm and balanced because all things are impermanent. This is the law of nature. And this being the case everything arises and passes – feelings arise and pass – as do cravings and aversions.

And so having focused just on our breath for the first three days, throughout the next three we were tasked with scanning our bodies from head-to-toe and toe-to-head for sensations and simply be aware of them. In just being aware and not reacting to the apparent pleasurable or uncomfortable sensations that are going on all over the body all the time, we were reprogramming our minds at an unconscious level not react to cravings and aversions. I was becoming liberated, and the path to enlightenment was unfolding in front of me…

To be continued…

I arrive alone at the Vipassana meditation centre in the middle of nowhere, about 8km from Chengannur in Southern India. I notice an austere silence pervades the entire compound; a somber mood seems to have descended like a dark cloud suffocating a soulless landscape. And yet I realize very quickly that the 10 days in silence I am about to embark on hasn’t even started! Is this a bad sign, do I start making meaning or listening to my intuition?

I have a chat with a couple of apparently normal people – a young Israeli called Jonathan who has recently come out of the army, and his sister Rena – both full of energy and smiles; and Flo, a young German with dreads who I later discover loves his house music. Then I meet Victor the relaxed yoga Instructor from Miami. He’s as calm as a cool evening breeze, wearing a flag-like tattoo on his forearm in blue, orange and green which symbolizes Conscious… Everyday… Living; and I chat to a very tall Indian called Mohit who runs a psychedelic trance events company in London and seems to live and love life to the full. It emerges that there are about 50 people in total from all over the world who have converged to experience the delights of spending 10 days in silent meditation. They come from France, New Zealand, Scotland, Peru and Australia to name a few, and about half of all delegates are Indians, many of whom do not speak English… not that we’re going to be speaking for the next 10 days anyway!

I trundle my way to my living quarters which are based in an oblong bulding made from standard-grey breeze blocks. A corrugated iron roof raised about 3 feet above the building protects us from what, I am not sure; it is placed on thin steel girders allowing insects, the occasional breeze and the thin rays of evening sunlight to visit their indulgent delights upon us. The breeze blocks have set within them the odd grimy frosted glass window. The building is perched upon a red brick floor, no carpet to be seen anywhere. Down the far end of the building are 4 very basic dirty toilettes with shower heads coming out of the walls. In the middle are 3 mismatching sinks, two small shaving mirrors on the wall and a small bin beneath.

Back in the main room there are 7 beds on either side of the dormitory, each adorned with a mattress which at its thickest is at least 1.5 centimeters of pure luxurious cotton wool. When I lie on the ‘mattress’ it compresses to at best, I would guess about 3mm of comfy padding! This luxury is placed directly on a hard wooden frame bed about 5’11 in length and covered by a rancid smelling old mosquito net. This is my home for the next 10 days. I make my way to the toilette and find a large spider, about the size of my palm in diameter, watching me intently before scurrying behind the loo. It’s not tarantula but a much faster and leaner cousin. Still considerably larger than any spider you would see in the UK.

That night I dream of two Indian wild dogs – one on each of my hands, dragging me down the road with their teeth digging in to my flesh. And then suddenly I am held by a baboon, likewise biting me, but this time on my forearm. Neither the dogs nor the baboon drew blood but they had a firm grip which I could not break free from. I thought that there must be some significance about the dream but was not quite sure what it was when I woke. I thought after a while that perhaps the dogs each pulling on one hand in different directions might signify the struggle I was to face – being pulled in different directions.

I woke at 4am the next day to what would become a very familiar bell – our first mediation session of the ‘day’. Only unlike Pavlov’s dogs, the bell had the opposite reaction for most of us – no excitement, no drooling! Wearily I go to the meditation hall for the first time where there are about 50 people preparing to meditate in near darkness on small blue mats – girls on the right and boys together on the left of the dark dingy room. Throughout the 10 days, boys and girl were kept separate wherever possible – while eating, living and meditating.

During the first day of my 10 days in silence I was subjected to over 10 hours of meditation – sitting still, silent, just observing my breath. I sat there watching my mind wonder from thought to thought desperately trying to make sense of things, trying to latch onto something and then something else; always in need of something to think about like a drug addict searching for its next fix. Its actually quite disturbing realizing how untamed and out of control our brains really are. Fortunately I discover after the course that I was not alone in having a wild and untamed mind when left to focus soley on the breath. When we just sit and observe the very essence of life, our breath, our brains are not content with just being but instead go on a relentless search for more, and more… and more! Rather like life, I believe that two things chasrataterise humans – we are all driven by a need to be loved… and a search for more!

All we were instructed to do was nothing other than observe our breath, which sounds simple to me. But you will find that if you try to concentrate on just your breath with your eyes closed for any length of time, your attention will very quickly be drawn into the future or the past – typically to painful or pleasurable past memories or created imaginations. Our task for the first three days was simply to observe our breath and nothing else. Whenever we became aware of our mind wondering, we were to bring it back to the breath – the sensations of the air moving in and out of our nostrils, and nothing else.

Very soon I became aware of my many patterns of thinking and behaviour, but most significantly I became aware of my back muscles seizing up. I crushed two vertebrae in my spine 12 years ago in a motorcycle accident and have suffered recurring problems, primarily muscle tension, ever since. It gets worse when I do not exercise or stretch regularly. My back muscles started to spasm by the end of day 1 having sat for over 10 hours without moving much. Although we had breaks between the 10 hours it began to take its toll, more physically than mentally or emotionally. Had I known we would be sitting in meditation for so long I am not sure I would have gone on the course. In retrospect I am very glad I did not know how tough the journey would be – I doubt I would have even started. That makes me think about some of the parallels with life; setting up as business; starting a relationship or writing a book, which I have now committed to doing. If we knew how hard the journey would be in advance would we even begin it?

As day 1 came to a close and I begun to realize the full enormity of what I had let myself in for; that I had embarked on a journey of pain and spiritual discovery – Buddha’s path to enlightenment and liberation! I began to wonder if I had made the right uninformed decision to come on a Vipassana meditation. Knowing I had another 90 hours of sitting in painful silence I questioned my commitment and both my mental and physical strength to see it through. The road ahead was gong to be long, painful and slow-going.

To be Continued….

I have just left an NLP Course.

As I fly across the heart of Southern India, from Chennai to Mumbai, or as the English called them Madras to Bombay, I am reflecting on my time out here in India and the amazing insights, revelations and adventures I have had. I wonder how much time we give ourselves in the West just to reflect, to be… in a neutral space and allow the emergence and enjoyment of natural being-ness. I think they call it meditation in the East.

I have been here for nearly two months now. England, winter and the credit crunch couldn’t be further from my mind. It is a strange feeling to even think of such things, and yet when I do, I realize how integrated and accustomed I have become to life on the road and living in India, and how nourishing it is compared to thoughts of striving for more in England when things seems to be almost going in reverse in the depths of winter.

As I write this, I am on my way to visit some very good friends on mine in the financial capital of India, Mumbai, which was struck by terrorist attacks just before I came out here. They are still suffering economically and socially to some extend in Mumbai with the impact of those atrocities. I am only there for a few days before heading back South to Cochin to and an NLP course run by Sue, one of my mentors.

My experience of Chennai over the last couple of days was nothing short of spectacular, bizarre and enlightening. So, where to begin? The spectacular for me, included being treated like some sort of a film star, having my photograph taken over a thousand times and handing out about that many medals and trophies to the children, teachers and parents of the phenomenon that is called BraioBrain. Boy, my feet hurt by the end of the day but my grin was practically glued onto my face.

BrainoBrain is quite simply a revolution in learning. It has been launched by 3 great friends of mine, Ashok, Arul and Anand who I met a few years ago but only really got to know in the last couple of months having spent so much quality time with them. The are brothers, and have all contributed to spreading this revolution, so far into 8 countries, and now, I believe, it is on the verve of exploding across the world due to the utter commitment of the brothers and all those involved. It is also down to the unique ability of BrainoBrain to help children in particular, but also adults to learn, to memorize, the be creative, to use left and right brains and develop the skills, abilities, knowledge and confidence to – I’d go as far as to say – create leaders in the world.

And I do not mean that lightly. What I witnessed as chief guest for the day at the 10th Indian National BrainOBrain competition was somewhere in the region of 4000 children, teachers and parents all committed to developing themselves and each other in a way that gets results unlike anything I have seen in traditional education before.

I gave a short talk on leadership, about being the change as Gandhi put it, and recognizing these amazing young children as leaders of the future… and in fact even as leaders right now. It really was an eye opening and spectacular day. The bizarre was feeling a little like David Beckham, being asked for my autograph by children.

And the enlightening was when I was talking to Ashok the following evening about my vagabonding lifestyle and not feeling like I have a real sense of purpose at the moment. He enlightened me to just what an impact I have had by being me, making the effort to be in Chennai for the event and the children – the hundreds if not thousands of peoples lives I touched by talking to them, being in their photos, giving them medals, recognizing their efforts and success; also playing and connecting with his and the other brothers young children – so that they now have a positive view of Western or white people, an anchor if you will.

Also by spending time in their home – apparently I am the first Western or white person ever to have dinner with him and his whole family – I am building cultural ties and mutual respect, understanding and possibilities for the future. That is something I believe the world needs right now – more understanding, compassion, respect and cohesion. So thank you Ashok, for waking me from my trace of feeling I was not really doing anything productive or constructive with my life, when in fact I am, we are, all the time touching other people’s lives in ways we cannot fully appreciate. As a bumble bee creates new life and possibilities for flowers by going about their normal daily lives completely unaware of the impact they have, we too touch people’s lives in ways we will never really fully know.

I have also been awoken in part by Uta as to what leadership is really all about. It is not, as she put it “about long term planning [or organizing or controlling things] but about doing what is right in front of you wherever you are”. And perhaps even more importantly, it is not really about doing, it is about being; being the change we want to see in the world, and in others; about being an example and living our deepest truth. About being truly present, here and now… and always.  That’s often more than you get on an NLP course in the UK.

I had the great pleasure of not just being force fed by the brother’s families in Chennai- for which I am very grateful, thought a little full, but also by Ramesh and Tulsi. And my hosts have at all times treated me impeccably (apart from the force feeding of course) and given me insights and pleasures I would not have otherwise experienced, had I just been a traveler or vagabond. So I am very much indebted to all my Indian friends for giving me such a rich experience of Indian culture and perhaps, I have got even more than I had previously imagined, now that I take time to…reflect.

Enjoy yourself enjoying others enjoying you!

Until next time….

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