A while back I signed up for a business coaching and mentoring programme.

Success without fulfilment is failure!

I’m a massive fan of coaching and mentoring as they show shortcuts to success… normally!

And I was very excited, having already achieved a certain level of success in my life and business to be taking things to the next level.

On the face of it (the marketing of it) the course I was on ticked ALL the boxes. As they normally do. I’ve signed up to various other courses in the past such as stock market investing, options courses, millionaire mind events, property investment courses, Internet Marketing programs, NLP – you name it…. and have had the same experience as most people. A sales pitch into higher and higher programmes which make the people who run them rich but do very little to REALLY help me get to where I want let alone rich. Luckily there are some exceptions.  There is also an important ambiguity which I will explore another time… what does being ‘rich’ actually mean?

Anyway, when I signed up to this business and coaching mentoring programme I was truly excited. The marketing message was perfect for me… they understood the challenges I was having, they had the right solution, I even had a couple of consultations before joining and the person really listened, cared and understood where I was coming from.  But… Read more…

Why would anyone want to learn NLP?

I’ve just ambled lazily back across the pristine white sand of a deserted beach in Cherai having been swimming alone in the Arabian sea – a beautiful luke warm bath with surfable waves apparently induced by the solar eclipse.  Being back in India is like coming home!

The Kerala Backwaters... kissing the Arabian Sea

Having grown up until the age of 7 with with my parents who were hippies, and having lived in more houses that I have lived years its pretty much indisputable that I’m a born nomad.  And I normally feel very much at home wherever I am.  I have been living in Ibiza since last summer which I consider to be my spiritual home, despite the reputation it has among many in Britain!  But India feels as much a home if not more than anywhere else, and coming back here this year for a couple of months reminds me of how utterly special and unique this country is and how I want to keep coming back here each year – to this most rich, vibrant, beautifully alive and special place.

Today, the day of the solar eclipse, is a special day.  Not just because of the eclipse but because I have committed to recognising and changing a pattern of mine which I know will have a profound impact on my life, and perhaps more importantly the lives of others around me.

As you learn NLP you’ll discover what’s known as meta-programmes, or filters.  These are how we filter information coming through our senses and make sense of the world.  Well, today I have added a new one today, an important distinction for me, and that is the notion of ‘input’ versus ‘output’.  I love learning, in fact I am addicted to learning.  A much better addiction than some things, but nonetheless an addiction.  I love input, I love learning, I love to learn NLP; I love finding out what others do, say and think and modelling their success.  But today I believe its time that I reverse this pattern and now ‘output’ more than I ‘input’.

So my new blog and websites are being built and I am in the process of designing products and workshops to give others this rich, peripatetic, vibrant and fun life that I am so privileged to have, or whatever it is that they truly want!

Riding along the dusty roads today on my Enflield Bullet, the thud thud thud of the 350cc single cylinder engine attracting attention as if it were a pink tractor I realised just how lucky I am to have designed my life this way and I know have the desire to give others the gifts and leanings I have had along my journey.

One of many rides I gave to locals kids on my Enfleld Bullet

Its paradoxical in some respects that I am entirely responsible for creating my life in this way and yet at the same time there are unseen forces in the Universe that have helped conspire towards me following this path, to open up to and awaken to all the magical coincidences and synchronicities around me…. around us all!

And so riding along on my Enflied thinking about all this today, I became very grateful and excited. I also became aware of how I can tend to overcomplicated life.  Life can be very simple.  I know that from watching how simply people live out here.

The other day I asked Sajeen, an amazing and young yoga teacher in Cherai, “is life good”? to which he smiled and replied “of course” as if it could not be any other way and my question was absurd.  Now, that is simplicity, finding love and joy in everything because you choose to!

It’s funny that somehow in the so-called civilised West many of us have come to believe, or been conditioned through advertising and cultural norms – that if I get x I will feel y.  Whereas in fact we can feel any way we want whenever we want.  And then enjoy the journey as well as the destination!  Perhaps that is the secret, but of course knowing something and doing it are two very different things.

I heard Gary Vaynerchuck say earlier today “love what you do and if you don’t then STOP.  There is absolutely no need to be not enjoying yourself in this day and age.”

And I concur.  There is more technology, money, opportunity, information and wealth than at any other time in the history of humankind.  If you are pursuing making money or a 9-5 and you’re not enjoying it, then you are doing yourself and humanity a disservice and going after success rather than fulfilment.  And that to me is failure.

There are so many people with apparently so little who manage to be happy…. who manage to just be, and be happy, and I believe we can all learn the distinctions which enable them to live in that place.  For me one of those distinctions is a commitment to daily practice every morning, which at the moment is yoga.  As I sit on the beach now writing this blog, I am looking one way and then the other as far as I can see and there is not a soul… not a single solitary soul.  I could be lonely but I am not.  Because deep inside I am connecting to a place of love, joy and inspiration and that is open to all of us at any moment in time. And I’m outputting

And it is in that connecting, that desire to connect into the bigger system, to output rather than input, that I believe is one of our greatest sources of sustainable joy.  That is where we find happiness.  The question then is, what do we need to focus on, to believe in and do in order to be in that place of joy?  What do you need to focus on now?  Do you want to learn NLP to really accelerate your success?  Just remember, that success without fulfilment is failure.

Looking above me watching the eagles circling in the dense heat of the Indian sky, with nature all around blending seamlessly into an enticing array of colours, cows, cats, cockerels, ducks and dogs, I feel humbled as I reminisce on the rich and varied day I have had.  I am humbled by the smiles of nearly every person I passed earlier today on my motorbike; by the simplicity and pace of life; by the acceptance that all is as its meant to be.  As I recall – the three smiling middle aged ladies in vibrant buttercup-yellow dresses, the pink and orange houses that I passed and the cows grazing peacefully by the side of the road – I am reminded that happiness is all we want.  Happiness is all we truly want.  And that is success.  And that is why I decided to learn NLP…. to discover how I could be both happy and successful.

Go follow your bliss!
With love
Tristan

If you want to learn NLP feel free to enquire about my distance learning programme, or continue browsing the site.

I woke up this morning and didn’t feel great.  I felt a resistance to writing.

Having said that I woke up wanting to achieve something today and that was to design a structure around my new website; to come up with some ideas around the structure, logos and colour scheme etc

Where I’d normally set myself up for the day physically, emotionally and mentally by going for a run, stretching, asking myself some great questions and exploring my outcomes for the day, instead I went straight into focusing on and creating this new website layout.

The lesson I got from this is is about decisions, the power of decisions and how we make them.  It’s more than I want to go into here, suffice to say there was a strategy I used there which is very useful and it certainly didn’t involve analysing much!

“It is in our moments of decision that our destiny is created” Anthony Robbins

You see, decisions happen in a moment, change happens in a moment!  But it can take a long time to get to the point of change or the decision.

So the book I’m writing is called Be Do & Have Anything, which is a pretty big claim! Having said that I do to truly believe that we can Be, Do & Have Anything!  If we simply learn how to learn understand what we truly want and the patterns of human behaviour that hold us back as well as those that get the results we want.

There are people out there in this world who have achieved enormous success who came from nothing. In fact if you look, statistically most famous people and self-made millionaires have come from impoverished backgrounds, traumatic childhoods or are in fact orphans!

So in some respects it’s pain, or ‘problems’ that can be the very catalyst or driver for success.  If you look up the dictionary definition of proBLEM – a blem is something symbolic throw in the way.  And ‘pro’ is something that comes before – your outcome!

I believe that success without fulfillment is failure and so rather than aiming at success, and possibly achieving it at the expense of happiness or all the other important things in our life, I believe that we should be aiming at becoming ‘the best me” possible.

You see most people in modern times have until now (and this is an enormous generalisation) aimed to have nice cars, houses, televisions, clothes and so on.  And to have what they think will make them happy. But generally it doesn’t create sustainable happiness or fulfillment because our emotional state changes all the time.

They tend to think in terms of

HAVE  X
DO  Y
BE  HAPPY

rather than BE, DO & HAVE…

This is the paradox of humanity, impermanence.  We aim and strive for certain things like happiness, a bigger house or a good job and then the feeling we get is only temporary so in trying to accumulate or have we’re missing the rules of the game.  The question now then, is what do we do?

Well have been conditioned or taught in Western society to do what we enjoy, to get a good education, then a good job. But this doesn’t make us happy in the long term either. It is only temporary.  There is a lot to be said for doing what you love or doing what you enjoy and we’ll be exploring how to find and follow your passions in life in due course but for now, and to illustrate a point – most people want to have so they can be happy and then they do things so that they can have things they think will make them happy and in doing so miss the rules of the game, the game of life. And that is that in order to be happy, we have to be.

There is no road to happiness, happiness is the road.

So the sequence I believe, in order to be truly happy is in fact

BE
DO
HAVE

We don’t have or do happiness, we are happy.  We aren’t human doings or human havings but human beings. Be happy, Do things that make you and others happy and then, in time you can Have Anything!

And so in learning how to be, and learning who you are, in being first, and then doing, we can then have anything we truly want and start to understand the paradoxical nature of the world by turning things upside down and going with the flow of the Universe, rather than the demands of our ego.  We then find our place in this world – where there is more joy, more possibility and more passion than most people would ever have dreamt of.

So who are you?

And how do you know when you are being your best?

And I wonder how you can set yourself up each day to be the best you, you can possibly be?

I have just left an NLP Course.

As I fly across the heart of Southern India, from Chennai to Mumbai, or as the English called them Madras to Bombay, I am reflecting on my time out here in India and the amazing insights, revelations and adventures I have had. I wonder how much time we give ourselves in the West just to reflect, to be… in a neutral space and allow the emergence and enjoyment of natural being-ness. I think they call it meditation in the East.

I have been here for nearly two months now. England, winter and the credit crunch couldn’t be further from my mind. It is a strange feeling to even think of such things, and yet when I do, I realize how integrated and accustomed I have become to life on the road and living in India, and how nourishing it is compared to thoughts of striving for more in England when things seems to be almost going in reverse in the depths of winter.

As I write this, I am on my way to visit some very good friends on mine in the financial capital of India, Mumbai, which was struck by terrorist attacks just before I came out here. They are still suffering economically and socially to some extend in Mumbai with the impact of those atrocities. I am only there for a few days before heading back South to Cochin to and an NLP course run by Sue, one of my mentors.

My experience of Chennai over the last couple of days was nothing short of spectacular, bizarre and enlightening. So, where to begin? The spectacular for me, included being treated like some sort of a film star, having my photograph taken over a thousand times and handing out about that many medals and trophies to the children, teachers and parents of the phenomenon that is called BraioBrain. Boy, my feet hurt by the end of the day but my grin was practically glued onto my face.

BrainoBrain is quite simply a revolution in learning. It has been launched by 3 great friends of mine, Ashok, Arul and Anand who I met a few years ago but only really got to know in the last couple of months having spent so much quality time with them. The are brothers, and have all contributed to spreading this revolution, so far into 8 countries, and now, I believe, it is on the verve of exploding across the world due to the utter commitment of the brothers and all those involved. It is also down to the unique ability of BrainoBrain to help children in particular, but also adults to learn, to memorize, the be creative, to use left and right brains and develop the skills, abilities, knowledge and confidence to – I’d go as far as to say – create leaders in the world.

And I do not mean that lightly. What I witnessed as chief guest for the day at the 10th Indian National BrainOBrain competition was somewhere in the region of 4000 children, teachers and parents all committed to developing themselves and each other in a way that gets results unlike anything I have seen in traditional education before.

I gave a short talk on leadership, about being the change as Gandhi put it, and recognizing these amazing young children as leaders of the future… and in fact even as leaders right now. It really was an eye opening and spectacular day. The bizarre was feeling a little like David Beckham, being asked for my autograph by children.

And the enlightening was when I was talking to Ashok the following evening about my vagabonding lifestyle and not feeling like I have a real sense of purpose at the moment. He enlightened me to just what an impact I have had by being me, making the effort to be in Chennai for the event and the children – the hundreds if not thousands of peoples lives I touched by talking to them, being in their photos, giving them medals, recognizing their efforts and success; also playing and connecting with his and the other brothers young children – so that they now have a positive view of Western or white people, an anchor if you will.

Also by spending time in their home – apparently I am the first Western or white person ever to have dinner with him and his whole family – I am building cultural ties and mutual respect, understanding and possibilities for the future. That is something I believe the world needs right now – more understanding, compassion, respect and cohesion. So thank you Ashok, for waking me from my trace of feeling I was not really doing anything productive or constructive with my life, when in fact I am, we are, all the time touching other people’s lives in ways we cannot fully appreciate. As a bumble bee creates new life and possibilities for flowers by going about their normal daily lives completely unaware of the impact they have, we too touch people’s lives in ways we will never really fully know.

I have also been awoken in part by Uta as to what leadership is really all about. It is not, as she put it “about long term planning [or organizing or controlling things] but about doing what is right in front of you wherever you are”. And perhaps even more importantly, it is not really about doing, it is about being; being the change we want to see in the world, and in others; about being an example and living our deepest truth. About being truly present, here and now… and always.  That’s often more than you get on an NLP course in the UK.

I had the great pleasure of not just being force fed by the brother’s families in Chennai- for which I am very grateful, thought a little full, but also by Ramesh and Tulsi. And my hosts have at all times treated me impeccably (apart from the force feeding of course) and given me insights and pleasures I would not have otherwise experienced, had I just been a traveler or vagabond. So I am very much indebted to all my Indian friends for giving me such a rich experience of Indian culture and perhaps, I have got even more than I had previously imagined, now that I take time to…reflect.

Enjoy yourself enjoying others enjoying you!

Until next time….

If you’re interested in finding out more about mind-blowing nlp courses in India and Ibiza just go here.

Healing With NLP

Below is a transcription of a talk I gave very recently to a group of very good friends, most of which I had only known for 12 days from being on an NLP course in India with Sue Knight. I thought it would be a fitting way to start my blog, so I hope you enjoy this and what is to follow…..

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I asked God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things, I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given that I might feel the need of god.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, and I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am amongst all men, most richly blessed.

healing with nlp healing with nlp healing with nlp nlp healing with nlp healing with nlp healihealing with nlp

That pretty much summarizes where I am at the moment, and my life to date and I guess where I have been holding my past. And I am really glad that Sue opened up the possibility of having some coaching this morning and it was ‘timeline’. Because while the experience over the last 12 days has been amazing I feel that it has really been about Sue building leaders in the world and modeling excellence and not NLP tools, techniques and perhaps what I would call therapy, or dealing with stuff. And I know that I have some stuff to deal with, and I am normally very good at dealing with that stuff.

Actually at the end of the last ‘Healing with NLP’ course I did a talk similar to this one. I was in floods of tears from start to finish, but don’t worry that’s not going to happen this time. But what was very interesting about doing the timeline this morning with Lesley, is that it brought up 3 things that I had completely blocked out of my memory. I was punched by a school teacher and kicked by the head master at my prep school – that is what came up for me as an emotional block in my chest when I went back in time exploring where that feeling or emotion came from… but there was still something about my neck – I was choked around my neck… and then it suddenly came to me. There was a time when I was very young, I am not sure how young, and I told my dad to fuck off. My dad was quite a violent man and he strangled me and he said ‘I’m going to fucking kill you”. He held on to me so tight that I thought he was actually going to kill me.

Just realizing that I thought, wow, that’s an interesting memory to come back.  Obviously something that was to this date holding me back unconsciously in some way. So I think that where I am now is the realization that everything is connected; my past, my pain, my suffering that I had a as a child has made me such an immensely powerful person – that I can now go and give to other people who really need to realise and release that power.

There have been a few people in my life who have really stood out and supported me – not healing with NLP, but with love. My parents couldn’t look after me when I was younger – they were both shall we say enjoying the ‘other side’ of life; they were alcoholics and basically hippies – I lived with them until I was about 7 and then my granddad who was in the army for 25 years looked after me because my parents were unable to. At the time it was very confusing because my parents just vanished one day – I didn’t know where they went – and I was left in a ‘military institution’ with my grandparents. Well my grandfather and my step grandmother – who were in fact the first colonels to get married in England ever.

I didn’t really know what happened for years. The next time I saw my dad I didn’t even recognize him, I had to ask my step granny who he was.

And so I grew up very confused, very lonely, I didn’t know I was depressed until I was in my 20s when I thought – what is going on here? So I went on a quest for knowledge, understanding and I am still on that journey now and I think I am now at a point where I am starting to kind of open up to people about my past. I tell a lot of people and I am open about my past but only certain people that I have a connection with, and never a group of people.

I think where I am coming to now, and this is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg, is that actually my past was a very powerful experience – I have gained a lot of strength from it, a lot of learning, a lot of meaning, a lot of compassion; I have learnt an awful lot from those painful experiences. I have known for a long time that I am here to help and inspire people and to give… and I have kind of been running away from that responsibility for years. I think being here in India and receiving all the feedback on my ability to coach and teach people; and seeing the truth of who I am, I know now that I have this calling which I can’t run away from.

And so the learning for me now is to allow myself to be vulnerable, allow myself to let go, allow myself to be here and now, present. If there are things coming up, to actually deal with them and to explore them in whatever way is appropriate.

And it’s starting to connect, I see like a figure of 8, or infinity. This ability we have to model anything means that I can literally go out and get anything I want. It was funny, when Sue asked yesterday, what did you model in those external environments – like the drumming, or yoga sessions etc, I thought, well there were a couple of things which were quite interesting, but I didn’t go out and consciously model much. So I think I am quite good at unconsciously modeling – I kind of pick things up but I find it quite difficult to go out and get something I want. But now I know that I can literally go out and get it – I can Be, Do & Have Anything I want in life. We really can, all of us!

It’s quite a responsibility to know that and to walk that path, this process that Sue talks about. You know we’re on a path of self discovery, of learning who we are, why we are here, of loving, loving ourselves, loving others… healing with NLP.

And I am now massively excited about the future. I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have what I always wanted.

Healing with NLP…

When I was a kid, we used to live in a cattle shed, we were homeless and literally lived in an old cattle shed across the stream from a very small village in the hills of Southern Spain called Benahavis. I remember roaming orange groves as a kid; we were like homeless little gypsy kids. I just remember the total freedom. Running around, picking oranges off the trees, having fun. I remember the sense of total freedom; sitting in the stream which was full of turtles and living in the sun. I always wanted that sense of freedom again when I grew up – that ability to travel, to have fun, be in the sunshine and be spontaneous and I’ve got that now. I have that opportunity!

And all of you have helped me so much in just being my mirror and, seeing how wonderful and beautiful you all are, how that is also in me. And I can love myself and let go of stuff… and just be… without any tension or worry.

So I am still on a journey and I feel very privileged. I know I have to look after myself and my health as a priority – and enjoy the journey, the spontaneity, the sunshine, and the people I meet.

At the same time, in my own way I can let go of the planning and the worry.
And just trust that things will come to me at the right time in the right way in the right place and I will be able to give my gift to the world in whatever way is appropriate.

So thank you everyone and thank you for letting me share my story. It’s quite a strange thing to share how bizarre your life can be with a group of people, and so thank you for listening and letting me share that with you… and… rock on!!

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

So why called this blog Healing With NLP?

Here are 3 truths about NLP:

‘Healing With NLP Truth 1′ - We are all on a journey (and as they saying goes it’s more important that the destination).

‘Healing With NLP Truth 2′ - We all have some sort of pattern(s) to heal.

‘Healing With NLP Truth 3′ - NLP is a tried and tested ‘what works’ methodology for healing any pattern.

I look back now and remember my early days in the NLP world thinking it was all about empowerment, releasing potential and awakening.  I now recognise it is very much about those things, but more than that it is about getting out of our own way, ‘letting go and letting God’, releasing childhood traumas and patterns so that we can be all we can be.  That it is a healing journey as much as it is an empowering one.  A journey of healing and much much more…

Until next time…

Enjoy your journey of empowerment… and healing with NLP.