I open my eyes slowly and take a deep warm liquid breath as a gentle relaxed smile spreads across my glowing cheeks. Gazing into the infinite piercing blue sky I notice myself noticing birds floating gracefully and dancing like lovers just as my awareness comes back to my mind, and to my body. And as that happens, every time, I think what a wonderful way to start my day…how lucky I am to be alive, and in India of all places!

Lying on the beach, listening to the birds singing, and the sea making its beautiful music; the cool sand beneath my body I am completely relaxed; I am at one with nature, with myself and with the Universe. It’s funny, I have never experienced yoga like this before but I have now been enjoying Swamiji’s yoga on the beach a lot over the last 2 months since being in India.

That in itself is not remarkable, but waking up every day at 7am and spending an hour of the most intensely relaxing and gentle yoga is a true gift. There is no doubt that my flexibility in both thinking and behavior have increased, but there is more to yoga than just flexibility. Not only is it a great metaphor for NLP in many ways, but yoga also enhances and develops the mind body connection, that we all share as human beings. When we increase our flexibility and relax our bodies it invariably leads to increased flexibility in our thinking and we can then become more relaxed in our behaviour. It also connects us with that silent part; the knowing, trusting and loving part where everything just is….

And that has really been my experience of India in the last two months… one of letting go of old notions, of old paradigms, needs and beliefs; and enjoying a magical journey exploring and integrating new possibilities; new choices and dimensions of myself and of life… and of just being.

I have been asked to write an article by Sue about my experience here in India and there is so much I could say it is hard to know where to begin. I have had so many varied and rich experiences here it is a challenge to really communicate the true depth of the journey. From walking along the deserted picture-postcard white sandy beaches in Allepey occasionally festooned with old wooden fishing boats, to the cows aimlessly walking the beaches and sleeping in the streets of Tamil Nadu, the flowing richness and endless love that this magical and unique country offers the soul is like nothing I have ever experienced, and certainly difficult to put into words that can do it justice.

I think it is really in my heart where I am feeling the biggest difference. I believe that India in and of itself creates and inspires change in people. It is such a uniquely vibrant and colourful place that we can’t help but let go of the old and embrace the new. And yet paradoxically for me, while embracing the new it is like stepping back in time – to a more simple, more harmonious way of life. In many ways it feels like a home from home – so many things conspire to make me feel connected. The intense warmth of both the climate and the people; the sunshine and the pace of life make this feel more like what home should be like!

The differences in the values and culture out here is such a sharp contrast to that in the UK that I find it hard to imagine people being here and not experiencing a whole new side to themselves, and indeed life. Mix all that up with some utterly unique NLP training (I’m still searching for a better word than training!) and I have had what I can only describe as a uniquely spicy and succulent dish full of insight, growth, challenge, laughter, love and light. And that is just for starters!

Its funny, the driving on the ‘roads’ out here in India is what can only be described as an experience. It certainly exemplifies Indians enhanced ability to communicate non-verbally as well as their trust in life and the Universe. And that spreads far beyond their driving. It is deeply interwoven like a Kashmir jumper into the very fabric of society. And every day brings many new encounters demonstrating the trust and faith of these people. From the clothing and food to the many drumming experiences, temples and elephants I have encountered on my travels, faith and presence transcend.

There is an amazing contrast from the apparent organized chaos of the towns, driving and the roads, to the stillness and serenity of the trance inducing backwaters of Kerala and the countryside. It is said that out of silence comes a deeper truth. Certainly that has been true for me. When I spend time to myself; where I am alone, like now, or on the beach, reading a book, relaxing, or gazing into the sunset of a still evening there is a deeper truth that emerges, not from my mind but from being… just being.

There is a new sense of calm, serenity and love that I have experienced in my time here, away from striving, from having to, from running a business and managing things. I find that India has silence, space, and time to be, time to get out of our heads. Not as the English do on a Saturday night which is unsustainable in my view! But in a life enhancing and much more sustainable way where we can be much more present, in our bodies, or perhaps our hearts. It’s a letting go of that phovial vision, inner dialogue and muscle tension as John Grinder put it, so that we can be truly present.

And I think that being in India, in Kerala, in Cherrai, and slowing down, being present with people, really present with people allows all kinds of new possibilities, awareness’s and insights to emerge with a real sense of richness and warmth that I know I wouldn’t get in the UK

In my experience, in the UK some people explore NLP in a kind of get it done mentality, a ‘doing’ technique type affair, NLP as a set of tools and techniques. That has never been my experience with Sue, but from her desire to embrace the richness of the environment and culture out here to facilitate learning, I would say that for me and many people, there has been a deeper and more rapid awakening – a spiritual integration of NLP and Indian culture.

It strikes me that in NLP we often see the environment as the lowest level of change, and yet I think that by changing the environment we can and sometimes do get profound changes at higher levels. Einstein famously said we can’t solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created that problem. By that rational we often have to think in a new way or at a higher logical level to find a sustainable and workable solution. And yet that implies that we have to think in order to solve problems, rather than getting out of our heads more and just being, or using our bodies as we do in yoga. Certainly from my perspective it doesn’t always mean we have think more in order to solve problems, in fact sometimes quite the opposite. We create problems in our thinking! Sometimes a new environment can radically encourage ecological change and that has certainly been true for me.

So India is now my home for the next few months, and in fact the world is now very much my home. For me, exploring, travel, sunshine, adventure, growth and learning, and surrounding myself with people who are playing life at a higher level is my drug of choice. I tried money and business, success and things; striving for more but none of them comes close to being here and living life to the full. And that takes letting go of old notions, needs and beliefs; of old paradigms – it takes being present, being open to the truth of who we really are, and really enjoying the truly magical journey we are all on.

Enjoy yourself enjoying others enjoying you….

Wow, what a couple of days. I left for Pondicherry, the former French colony, speeding away on my motorbike full of excitement and verve only to run out of petrol within about 15 minutes. I wasn’t told and I didn’t check to notice that the petrol tank was on ‘reserve’. Feeling slightly despondent I ground to a halt on the side of the highway baking in the sweltering heat, not looking or feeling quite so cool anymore. As I pushed my hunk of metal along the road, I started thinking about what I could learn from the experience; surely we can learn from all experiences…. A smile came across my face, even a smirk – prepare before setting off on any journey; take full responsibility, and make sure I have the necessary resources to reach my destination!

Luckily a friendly little Tamil chap who spoke absolutely no English signaled me to come with him to one of his friend’s shops – he did understand when I pointed at the petrol tank. Having had a good giggle about what I am not sure, and shared many smiles and even some of my biscuits, I set off once more having filled my tank with just enough petrol to make it a few miles.

The second time I ran out of petrol, another friendly not so little chap on the side of the road helped me to fill up with slightly more petrol, again from a plastic bottle. Only this time, just as I was departing another cheeky chap who spoke no English planted himself on the back of my bike for the ride. He was not my only passenger – I had another 2 people I gave lifts to, including a school kid who did actually speak English – a charming little fellow and cheeky enough to ask me for 1 rupee for having had the privilege of his company. It took me back to the days when I used to hitchhike around the South of England, only I didn’t ask for money! Lesson learned – if you don’t ask you don’t get. Actually he didn’t get either, but full marks for effort!

I did find it funny driving past a sign that said “Accident Zone” – I mean talk about embedded commands. As it happens, there were no signs of any accidents but on my journey – a cheeky monkey, a herd of goats, numerous cows and the odd dog pretty much threw themselves in front of my bike which was made all the more interesting because the breaks did not work very well, certainly not by English standards. Add to that, the fact that whoever made the bike decided to swap the sides where the break and gear-change pedals normally are. So every time I attempted an emergency stop I changed gear instead and every time I wanted to chance gear I’d slow down momentarily as I hit the break!

By day two of travelling on the bike I just about got the hang of it but a lifetime’s habit can be hard to change in a day. Having said that, never underestimate your ability to adapt and learn quickly, especially when its life or death. I think they call that leverage! As Darwin said, it’s survival of the most adaptable, not fittest, that counts. Luckily I was feeling pretty adaptable and so survived the numerous tests I was to face in the next day or so.

I mentioned the other day about some people out here not having hope, namely those who sleep under the stars. But that is not necessarily true. I believe that people here have more hope and faith than many people in England, but those that sleep rough and have nothing; I do wonder how much hope they have. I can’t answer that but I do wonder.

Having not eaten all day and feeling quite sunburnt I eventually arrived at the international community of Auroville – a project in ‘human unity’ – late in the afternoon having left the chaos of Pondicherry. Auroville was a somewhat surreal place… 80 rural settlements spread over 20k, about 1800 residents from 38 different nationalities of which two thirds are foreign. Each settlement has its own area of interest and expertise but I didn’t stay long, just long enough to have a portion of chips. I felt more at home in Pondy.

As I left Auroville to head back into the commotion of Pondicherry for the evening my horn failed. I counted how many horns I could hear within a 30 second period in Chennai and got to 67 before it became overwhelming and impossible to keep count – they love their horns out here! And I had lost mine, which actually put me at a serious disadvantage and also in peril. Without a horn you can’t make people aware of impending disaster or potential accidents that are around every corner. I resorted to revving my single cylinder engine as much as I could to get noticed, and not run over. It worked. And people also thought I was a madman so gave me an extra wide birth!

I passed a cow in the middle of the road which very nearly relieved herself all over me… luckily I evaded that with a big swerve into oncoming traffic. I’m sure I probably missed some sacred experience and would have been blessed for many lifetimes had I succumbed to the offering but instinct got the better of me.

I spent the first part of the evening alone on the sea front occasionally staring up at the stars and thinking of all the endless possibilities that lay ahead for me, and all of us on this journey.

“Buddhists believe that we live our ever day lives as if inside an eggshell. Just as an unhatched chick has few clues as to what life is truly like, most of us are only vaguely aware of the greater world that surrounds us. Excitement and depression, fortune and misfortune, pleasure and pain,” wrote Dhammapada scholar Eknath Easwaran, “are storms in a tiny, private, shell-bound realm – which we take to be the whole of existence. Yet we can break out of this shell and enter a new world”.

Having spent the evening with a very kind Tamil whose name I can’t remember and a couple of young Russian girls, one of which didn’t speak any English I took a rickshaw home at about midnight. I had a monkey attack me as I walked to find a rickshaw – I had to fend him off with my water bottle. It did occur to me that maybe I should have got my rabies jab!

The rickshaw driver, or rather rider, like most people I have met recently in Tamil Nadu spoke no English and was towing me, a cart, bicycle frame and himself along, all the time pedaling with bare feet! Judging by the look of him and the rickshaw, I suspect he was going to be sleeping on the side of the road. He forced his way for what seemed like miles across town. He had no idea where he was going so I eventually ended up getting out and taking a motorized auto. Despite haggling a good price with the barefoot rider and him taking me in completely the wrong direction, I felt pity on him and gave him the original price he quoted and a pack of biscuits. He didn’t say thank you, but then he didn’t speak English.

I had a large buffet lunch the following day having had a fairly lazy morning interspersed with exploring the craziness that is Pondicherry and the market rich with magical colours; fruits and vegetables; smells, spices and inquisitive smiles. After lunch I fell asleep in the park shaded by palm trees. On waking from my slumber I set off on my return journey to Mamallaparum.

About 35ks from home the clutch on the bike went. I was once again stranded, but still smiling. Eventually the chap from the motorbike shop turned up and we swapped bikes. Unbelievably I ran out of petrol again, on his bike this time! Someone stopped to help again. To be honest I was laughing, chuckling to myself at what an ordeal the whole bike saga had been. Even trying to start the Enfield on occasion took in excess of five minutes, and the bottom of my right foot is testament to that with the bruising and punishment it took in trying to kick start the forsaken machine.

It was dusk, the graveyard shift, although I didn’t yet know that. I decided that I had to make it home before it got dark so that I could keep wearing my sunglasses and protect my eyes from getting bugs in them as I rode home. But as the darkness closed in I found myself in something of a horror film, but this time I was the vicious maniacal murderer. I must have killed hundreds if not thousands of bugs with my bare face, arms and chest in that twenty minute ride home. Minute after minute the onslaught continued and even now I can feel my face wincing at the thought. It was pretty painful too. Bugs flying into your cheeks, forehead and arms at 40-50 miles an hour can pack a pretty good punch, especially the big ones!

And yet it was a fight against time, to get home quickly while there was still some light, so I could wear my sunglasses to protect me from the bugs. So I had to go faster and kill more. Oh, the graveyard that is my body…

Until next time….

I have just finished reading Shantaram, all 932 pages of it; one of the most intensely rich and emotional journeys I have been on while reading. On closing the book I feel a sense of mixed emotions bubbling inside me but a release from the never ending rollercoaster I felt while reading that book – the incredible strife and pain which those people endured in this magical country, India, which I now find myself it.

Having slept only 3 ½ hours last night, I woke before dawn at around 4am. I fumbled my way to the aircraft that was to carry me across the breathtaking scenery and mountains of southern India. Perhaps it was no more beautiful or dramatic than any other scenery I have seen from an aeroplane but for some reason today, alone and in my tired and emotionally sensitive state it seemed to catch something deep inside me that wanted to love and be loved. I found myself reading and reading and reading – on that rollercoaster – feeling a deep and profound sense of gratitude and joy only to be followed by numbness, a dull aching from the loss of love in my life some months ago. I still grieve that loss now.

While my life moves on and I am set free, excited, and inspired by the unfolding magic that is all around us, today has been one of those tired days, much of it caught up in the rollercoaster of Shantaram or reminiscing the past like a fish struggling in vain to break free from a tangled net.

And yet I know deep in my heart that I am free. It was brought home to me every time I read those stories of suffering and strife in Shantaram, or when I see the enormous disparity between rich and poor out here, between my life and theirs. I do not need to work for a living out here. I can enjoy eating in restaurants, talking to loved ones on the phone and travelling by aeroplane; watching the mountains cut through the beautiful yet desolate patchwork below me, and the wisps of cloud mirroring back to me my freedom, my ability to just let go. And all the while others sleep under moonlight, on the side of the street, with nothing – no home, no healthcare, and perhaps worst of all, no hope.

And so I continue to let go… and just trust.

Having landed safely I find myself in a taxi with no seat belts hurtling through the organized anarchy of Chennai while children play on rubbish tips, or perhaps they are scavenging. And I trust, I have no choice but to trust. That’s the difference between faith and fear – choosing to trust. But sometimes we have no choice but to trust. I love those exhilarating adventures where we have no choice than to trust, to go with the flow. Perhaps that’s what life is all about, an exhilarating adventure where we have no choice but to trust.

Eventually I reach the beach in Mamallapuram which has fishermen, and dogs, and cows and people, and street vendors and tourists and the wind rushing up off the Indian Ocean into my face kissing me with warmth and a waking freshness. And I am deeply grateful. All the emotions I have are merely expressions of love, for love is the place that allows all other emotions to flourish.

Tomorrow I set off early, in search of sunrise and Pondicherry on a 350 Enfield Bullet, only the 3rd time I have ridden a motorbike since I crushed two vertebrae in my spine some 12 years ago. Trust… At least I chose somewhere safe in the world to get back on the old horse… where they drive so sensibly!

Until next time…

Healing With NLP

Below is a transcription of a talk I gave very recently to a group of very good friends, most of which I had only known for 12 days from being on an NLP course in India with Sue Knight. I thought it would be a fitting way to start my blog, so I hope you enjoy this and what is to follow…..

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I asked God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things, I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given that I might feel the need of god.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, and I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am amongst all men, most richly blessed.

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That pretty much summarizes where I am at the moment, and my life to date and I guess where I have been holding my past. And I am really glad that Sue opened up the possibility of having some coaching this morning and it was ‘timeline’. Because while the experience over the last 12 days has been amazing I feel that it has really been about Sue building leaders in the world and modeling excellence and not NLP tools, techniques and perhaps what I would call therapy, or dealing with stuff. And I know that I have some stuff to deal with, and I am normally very good at dealing with that stuff.

Actually at the end of the last ‘Healing with NLP’ course I did a talk similar to this one. I was in floods of tears from start to finish, but don’t worry that’s not going to happen this time. But what was very interesting about doing the timeline this morning with Lesley, is that it brought up 3 things that I had completely blocked out of my memory. I was punched by a school teacher and kicked by the head master at my prep school – that is what came up for me as an emotional block in my chest when I went back in time exploring where that feeling or emotion came from… but there was still something about my neck – I was choked around my neck… and then it suddenly came to me. There was a time when I was very young, I am not sure how young, and I told my dad to fuck off. My dad was quite a violent man and he strangled me and he said ‘I’m going to fucking kill you”. He held on to me so tight that I thought he was actually going to kill me.

Just realizing that I thought, wow, that’s an interesting memory to come back.  Obviously something that was to this date holding me back unconsciously in some way. So I think that where I am now is the realization that everything is connected; my past, my pain, my suffering that I had a as a child has made me such an immensely powerful person – that I can now go and give to other people who really need to realise and release that power.

There have been a few people in my life who have really stood out and supported me – not healing with NLP, but with love. My parents couldn’t look after me when I was younger – they were both shall we say enjoying the ‘other side’ of life; they were alcoholics and basically hippies – I lived with them until I was about 7 and then my granddad who was in the army for 25 years looked after me because my parents were unable to. At the time it was very confusing because my parents just vanished one day – I didn’t know where they went – and I was left in a ‘military institution’ with my grandparents. Well my grandfather and my step grandmother – who were in fact the first colonels to get married in England ever.

I didn’t really know what happened for years. The next time I saw my dad I didn’t even recognize him, I had to ask my step granny who he was.

And so I grew up very confused, very lonely, I didn’t know I was depressed until I was in my 20s when I thought – what is going on here? So I went on a quest for knowledge, understanding and I am still on that journey now and I think I am now at a point where I am starting to kind of open up to people about my past. I tell a lot of people and I am open about my past but only certain people that I have a connection with, and never a group of people.

I think where I am coming to now, and this is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg, is that actually my past was a very powerful experience – I have gained a lot of strength from it, a lot of learning, a lot of meaning, a lot of compassion; I have learnt an awful lot from those painful experiences. I have known for a long time that I am here to help and inspire people and to give… and I have kind of been running away from that responsibility for years. I think being here in India and receiving all the feedback on my ability to coach and teach people; and seeing the truth of who I am, I know now that I have this calling which I can’t run away from.

And so the learning for me now is to allow myself to be vulnerable, allow myself to let go, allow myself to be here and now, present. If there are things coming up, to actually deal with them and to explore them in whatever way is appropriate.

And it’s starting to connect, I see like a figure of 8, or infinity. This ability we have to model anything means that I can literally go out and get anything I want. It was funny, when Sue asked yesterday, what did you model in those external environments – like the drumming, or yoga sessions etc, I thought, well there were a couple of things which were quite interesting, but I didn’t go out and consciously model much. So I think I am quite good at unconsciously modeling – I kind of pick things up but I find it quite difficult to go out and get something I want. But now I know that I can literally go out and get it – I can Be, Do & Have Anything I want in life. We really can, all of us!

It’s quite a responsibility to know that and to walk that path, this process that Sue talks about. You know we’re on a path of self discovery, of learning who we are, why we are here, of loving, loving ourselves, loving others… healing with NLP.

And I am now massively excited about the future. I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have what I always wanted.

Healing with NLP…

When I was a kid, we used to live in a cattle shed, we were homeless and literally lived in an old cattle shed across the stream from a very small village in the hills of Southern Spain called Benahavis. I remember roaming orange groves as a kid; we were like homeless little gypsy kids. I just remember the total freedom. Running around, picking oranges off the trees, having fun. I remember the sense of total freedom; sitting in the stream which was full of turtles and living in the sun. I always wanted that sense of freedom again when I grew up – that ability to travel, to have fun, be in the sunshine and be spontaneous and I’ve got that now. I have that opportunity!

And all of you have helped me so much in just being my mirror and, seeing how wonderful and beautiful you all are, how that is also in me. And I can love myself and let go of stuff… and just be… without any tension or worry.

So I am still on a journey and I feel very privileged. I know I have to look after myself and my health as a priority – and enjoy the journey, the spontaneity, the sunshine, and the people I meet.

At the same time, in my own way I can let go of the planning and the worry.
And just trust that things will come to me at the right time in the right way in the right place and I will be able to give my gift to the world in whatever way is appropriate.

So thank you everyone and thank you for letting me share my story. It’s quite a strange thing to share how bizarre your life can be with a group of people, and so thank you for listening and letting me share that with you… and… rock on!!

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

So why called this blog Healing With NLP?

Here are 3 truths about NLP:

‘Healing With NLP Truth 1′ - We are all on a journey (and as they saying goes it’s more important that the destination).

‘Healing With NLP Truth 2′ - We all have some sort of pattern(s) to heal.

‘Healing With NLP Truth 3′ - NLP is a tried and tested ‘what works’ methodology for healing any pattern.

I look back now and remember my early days in the NLP world thinking it was all about empowerment, releasing potential and awakening.  I now recognise it is very much about those things, but more than that it is about getting out of our own way, ‘letting go and letting God’, releasing childhood traumas and patterns so that we can be all we can be.  That it is a healing journey as much as it is an empowering one.  A journey of healing and much much more…

Until next time…

Enjoy your journey of empowerment… and healing with NLP.